ON THE FIRST DAY OF MARCH

It is the 1st day of March, and my driveway is really sloppy,

When my pickup rolls over it, my pickup goes bippy boppy

I said to the kids I was trying,

While in the back seat they are flying,

Then in the mud we start sinking, and there goes down my jalopy. 

MY PEACOCK CAME FROM MARS

My new pet peacock came from mars,
He told me that his name was Lars,
He said "feed me well and I will stay,
If you don't I'll fly away,"
I fed him chicken soup with stars.

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MARY’S TOES WERE REALLY JAMMED

Mary’s toes were really jammed,
Her smelly feet gave her friends woe,
But, her nose was stuffed and smelled no scent,
So, she gave her nose a blow.

Mary's shirt showed off her dinner,
From the night before,
Mary seldom did her laundry,
She found that chore a bore,

Mary had no significant other,
For she had such quirky ways,
Mary graded on the nerves of another,
While on herself she lauded praise.

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TINY BUBBLES OR TAP

There were tiny bubbles, exploding in my pop,

They were giving me a headache, and I could not make them stop,

So, to ease my bad head pain,

I poured my pop down the drain,

Now, I drink tap water, that smells like its from my mop.

THERE ONCE WAS A LITTLE PERCOLATOR LIMERICK

There once was a little percolator,
It made good hot coffee, about ten minutes later,
It was understood,
That the coffee was good,
Unless, you were just a perking hot coffee hater.

THE SKEETERS AND MY STILL

In the backwoods of a Michigan cedar swamp,
I built myself a still,
It was a place where all my kith and kin,
Could party and drink their fill,

But, then there came the skeeters,
A trillion skeeters or more,
And upon me and my company,
They waged their evil war,

And, so we fled the dark cedar swamp,
Never to return once more,
And the skeeters buzzed with a royal pomp,
As we itched and scratched ourselves soar.

MY PEACOCK CAME FROM MARS II

My pet peacock believes that he comes from Mars,
I think he spends too much time in bars,
He staggers home late at night,
Unable to gain flight,
Somehow, he isn’t hit by any cars. 

THE BACKWOODS BEAR POEM

The bears are hungry and out eating again,

Best be good and not mess with the abominable sin,

Some bears live in cabins, some live in deep throated caves,

But all bears eat the campers and make them scat fill for graves,

Don't think for an hour that you can out clever a bear,

Because he's coming right for ya, when he smells underwear,

Bears always eat people, bears never human detox,

For human flesh is much sweeter, than that of cow or the ox,

So twist and turn and stay awake in your bed,

For if you doze away, a bear will eat you dead,

Now enjoy your camping in our bug infested backwoods,

And hold tight your old precious, when you pass through bear hoods.

THERE WAS A LITTLE TEA POT POEM 2012

There was a little tea pot,
And, it began to leak,
It electrified the electric stove,
That made the cook really freak,

The cook ran out of the house,
As the stove glowed and began to spark,
Lights flickered all through the house,
Then the entire house went dark,

There was a little leaky tea pot,
It blew every circuit in the house,
Now the house is abandoned and condemned,
Its tenant is just one mouse.

LESTER THE GOOSE

Lester the goose was extremely proud,
He had no talent except, he was loud,
The problem is,
That when doing show biz,
Lester was not smart nor, was he well endowed.

THE PROMISE I COULD NOT KEEP

I googled and googled and googled one day,
To find my best bud in high school,
Old lizard lips Clay,
I found him not in a very good way,

Old lizard lips was buried two miles from town,
I got in my rust bucket to go visit the clown,
I found the spot where he took his dirt nap,
With respect I pulled off my Detroit Red Wings cap,

I brought Old Clay a six pack of beer,
Just to let him know his old buddy was here,
I was glad that an old shade tree was very near,
So, I sat down for a while and shed one great big tear,

We conversed for a while,
Clay didn’t talk too much,
Before Leaving I promised,
That I’d keep in touch,

That was the last time I visited my high school bud Clay,
I haven’t been back there to visit to this very day,
For I had a bad accident on my way back to town,
They buried me ten miles from that lizard lipped clown.

WATCH OUT FOR FROG MONSTERS IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

Watch out for frog monsters in Grand Traverse Bay,
They’ll nibble your toes off if you get in their way,
They prefer to eat perch,
Roasted over aged birch,
After an appetizer of the finest pâté.

Watch out for frog monsters when you swim on your back,
The sight of your spine will make frog monsters attack,
They bite with no fear,
Making your eyes really tear,
They won’t break the skin but, will leave your skin blue and black.

Watch out for frog monsters in Grand Traverse Bay,
They’ll pull out the hairs on your chin as you swim,
Splashing does not drive frog monsters away,
They will leave you alone only on their own whim.

ZOMBIE OCEANS

We are all just part of the zombie oceans,
We swim against riptides just to get our promotions,
But, when our own dark day ends,
Just a few claim the wins,
The rest of us live the regret with remorseful emotions.