PERSONAL DENTAL CARE

I bought some fluoride toothpaste that came in a white, glass jar,

I did not have to squeeze it, so I thought it would go far,

It caught me off my guard,

When the whole jar turned hard,

I now brush with baking soda; my teeth are black as tar.

I LOVED AND I GOT GONGED

There are dirty diapers in the morning, and all day long,

Dirty diapers, dirty diapers, I did something wrong,

I use to be in my fish boat,

All day long, I'd relax and float,

Then I spied a beauty on the beach, and life gave me a gong.

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CHASING THE SUN GOING DOWN

I saw the sun go down way deep into the ground,

So  I sent out my doggie to hound and hound,

Well, he would run and run,

He never found the sun,

But, I fed him some pork liver, a couple of pound.

THE SHINY, PRETTY THING I KILLED

I observed a shinny, pretty flower,

I feared a big, ugly bug might devour,

So I got some bug spray,

And, I sprayed away,

The flower was dead, within an hour.

THE PERCH OF WINSTON CHURCH

Before Benny went back to school, he said, "bye", to Winston Church,

Winston is a parakeet, who sits and poops upon his perch,

Benny left Winston food to eat,

Filled Winston's water, and left a treat,

Some days when Winston gets real board, he does a Google search.

BEN OF NAILS

Ben's toe nails were a yard longer than his feet,

Ben showed them off by walking barefoot down the street,

But, all the neighbors made fun,

Kids would scream and then run,

Ben got his nails trimmed by a manicurist named Pete.  

AVOIDED LEACHES, BUGS, WORMS AND CRABS, BUT NOT FLIES

My towel was my little piece of paradise on the beach,

It held down beneath me the worm, bug, crab and blood sucking leach,

But then came the flies,

They molested my eyes,

Be extremely cautious at the beach, is the sermon I preach.

FENDING OFF DISEASE AND BUGS

Varmints come and varmints go,

Some bring lice; some virus woe,

Don't be a dope,

Wash hands soap,

And shower from head to toe.

GOLDFISH HEAVEN

Heaven is full of goldfish, thanks to me,

Every time I buy one, they live two weeks, maybe three,

The body goes into the toilet bowl,

One flush separates corpse from soul, 

This is as close as my goldfish get to a burial at sea.

STING, SUPER CUTS AND GUTS

Tinker was a little nuts,

He ate only hornet guts,

They made is mouth sting,

And that was his thing,

Along with giving his lawn super cuts.