LATE DETENTION AND THE FLYING LEAP

My bus was late to Jefferson Junior High,

My teacher didn't care; he didn't even ask why?

He said he'd improve my rule retention,

With a month of late detention,

I told him he should go leap like a fly.

10118

 

WHEN I WAS A DRIVER'S TRAINEE

I was a driver's trainee,

When it was pour down rainy,

I hit the brake,

Slid, hit the lake,

After going through the fence called chainy.

71121

I DON'T KNOW MUCH, BUT I VLOG

I can't tell if my pet is a cat or a dog,

It could be a goldfish, or a tree climbing frog,

I should go to school,

But that is not cool,

I would rather spend time making my video vlog.

THE UN-GRADUATED UNDERGRADUATE, HAS A HISSY FIT

I opened my mail, and got a brand new communication,

Addressed from the university administration,

They said they looked and could not see,

How I earned a college degree,

All that work these may years, ends only with frustration.

SCUZZ NEEDS A JOB TWO

Sharp as a pencil that I was,

I'm a real hard worker with all I does,

But, I ain't been hired so what's the buzz?

I got no good grammar so, they calls me Scuzz,

Now, I can't read no good and barely write,

But, if we goes to the bar I can fight, 

I ain't got no teeth but, my jaw bone bite,

And, what a grip and I holds on tight,

Of course, I just really need a job,

'fore turns my muscles to belly blob,

I knowed now I should a stayed in school,

Alas, without much learning the world is cruel.

 

TO KEEP MY KIDS FROM LEARNING, I DID A BOOK BURNING

I burned the books in my house, and what did I get?

Three sons in the jail, and they each have a dimwit,

They turned out, not to be bright,

Can barely read, and can't write,

And, their mathematics skills, ain't worth a plum spit.

MY GARGOYL SCAT ON THE FLOOR💩

My gargoyle ripped up my homework, then chowed down poor auntie Bess,

My gargoyle was a real jerk, and on the floor, left a big scat mess,

He has a litter box,

Shared with my kitty, Rox,

My teacher won't believe me about my homework, so I'll lie, I guess.

THE PERCH OF WINSTON CHURCH

Before Benny went back to school, he said, "bye", to Winston Church,

Winston is a parakeet, who sits and poops upon his perch,

Benny left Winston food to eat,

Filled Winston's water, and left a treat,

Some days when Winston gets real board, he does a Google search.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS 2024

I thought if I went to college, I'd have money to burn

Instead, my debt was a nightmare, a lifelong concern,

Never thought of a house,

No money for family or spouse,

Then, when I died I was buried in a repurposed urn.

THE THREE SIBLINGS: PUNISHMENT

The three siblings were bad, that is without any doubt,

Bader than head lice, food poisoning, rabies and gout,

They were not chicken,

They welcomed a lickin'

Then they'd threaten, stomp their feet, puff their lips out, and pout.

THE AMPERSAND LIMERICK

Teacher told me I couldn't use the ampersand (& ),

He said in his class, that symbol was banned,

Well it just is not fair,

Just because teach lost his hair,

That the poor little ampersand is canned.

Kindergarten Blues

If I have to drink tea again, I'm going to resign,

Some days I want coffee, some days I pine wine,

In kindergarten, all day,

I am stuck there with no pay,

Staying home with mommy, watching soaps, suits me fine.

MY "F" SONG

I wrote for class a little song,

Graded "F", grammar was wrong,

I played pingpong,

A game of Kong,

Then watched monster movies all night long.

THE ODD SCHOOL EDUCATION

I went to the odd school,

No desk or chair, we had a stool,

We never learned about sums,

Were taught reading was for bums,

The kids did nothing but, picked nose and drool.