THE ANNUAL HOLIDAY DINNER AND PUKE

We have Thanksgiving, before we can celebrate our annual Ho Ho, Ho!

Then we meet and  eat ma's half frozen turkey, until our guts feel woe, woe, woe!

The Thanksgiving belly ache,

When we vomit pie and cake,

Ma's turkey is always so darn raw, but she says, we should chew real slow, slow, slow!

AND THE ANGELS SING, "HARK"

Deep, deep down in Lake Michigan water, where it is horribly, dark,

I swam straight into the big, smelly belly, of a hammerhead, shark,

In that big, hammerhead belly,

Was a stinging fish, a jelly,

I died, and now with the angels I sing, their favorite tune, called, "Hark".

NO PEAS, WATER AND BARLEY FOR FARLEY

My newest, best friend, Giggles Farley, 

Many claimed, he liked to make parlay,

But, he wouldn't speak,

Wouldn't open his beak,

He missed getting pea soup with barley.

WHAT?

My favorite word in a sentence was the noun,

Now when I hear someone's noun, I just start to frown,

I now only like verbs,

They're like hot spicy herbs,

Or a purple frilly, oversized wedding gown.

STUPID LIMERICKS, APRIL FOOL'S

There once was a fool named April May,

A first cousin to Monday Tuesday,

They would together ice skate,

Until they each found a mate,

Two bothers called Wednesday and Thursday.

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MY SHORT HAIRED DOG GOT RABIES, SO I BOUGHT A HAIRY ONE

I once had a Boston terrier,

He was a big rabies carrier,

He foamed at the mouth,

Took off, going south,

I bought a collie, much hairier.  

HICKORY AND A HOLE IN MY SOCK

Hickory was the wood in my clock,

Pine was the boards on my dock,

Known by everyone,

My dock build was done,

While a mouse chewed a hole in my sock.

TO BE, OR NOT TO BE, A BABOON

I went to the zoo, and they tossed me into a cage,

They signed me as a "Baboon", and that filled me with rage,

Then they brought me a nice mate,

And I figured it my fate,

So, a baboon I will play on life's stage.

Tiger, Tiger brush your teeth

Tiger, tiger don't eat my kite,

Or I'll whoop you in a fight,

Make sure your teeth are sharp and white,

When they rip my flesh tonight,

Do it fast because time is tight,

Gotta catch the bus at dawn's first light.

OTTER

Mini Ta Ta was an otter,

She liked movies, like Harry Potter,

She did magic tricks,

With homemade toothpicks,

She moved to Florida where it was hotter.

JUNE BUFFOON

This is a strawberry June,

A world where normal is the buffoon

Where truth dies on the spot,

Between what is real and is not,

Guess, I'll see you soon.