MY SOLAR LAMP AND THE GRIZZLY BEAR, LIMERICK

I dropped my solar lamp into the lake, while forest camping, 

Now I fear the inner wires will need major revamping,

In the dark tent, my body, I lay,

Hoping for a quick, sun rising day,

Because I fear a grizzly bear, is outside my tent, stamping.

THE CARNIVAL BEAR

I went to the carnival and the carnies were there,

They were all really nice, except their pet bear, 

The bear had little charm,

He bit off my right arm,

But, I look good with a prosthesis, so I don't really care.

MY GERBIL NAMED BEN

My hamster drank water from the Flint River today,
He turned into a grasshopper and then hopped away,
And, my gerbil named Ben,
Drank the water and then,
Became a bear and I was his prey.

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I ATE TUNA ALL WINTER, NOW ALONG COMES A BEAR

Area bear watchers have gotten their wish,

There's a bear around here searching for some nutrish,

He loves smelly containers,

Like trash can retainers,

But, my house smells like canned tuna fish.

THE HOUSE OF BEARS LIMERICK

 It was dark as I eased down the stairs,

It was scary as I looked out for bears,

I went to the fridge for a snack,

Then, the bears made their attack,

Now,  the food in my fridge is all theirs.

THE BEAR IN THE BARN WAS WAITING FOR ME

I went out to the barn and what surprise did I find,

A bear waiting out there, like a hunter in a blind,

He waited there just for me, 

He poured two cups of coffee,

We chatted and had a chance to unwind.

HOW I BECAME A ONE MAN BAND

I went out back of the high school to march with the dress band,

I was the only one there, save for the bear eating a hand,

I forgot my bear mace,

So I froze in place,

When the bear turned away, I raned. 

BEAR BACKWOODS

Two old Teddy bears lived way out in the backwoods,

They made rainbow candles, sold through shops in the hoods,

Then they diversified,

Making candles, that read "PRIDE",

Now they put "PRIDE" on all candles, as a symbol of their goods.

BAD AIRS AND CANADIAN CABIN BEARS

I went to Canada to do cavorting in fresh air,

The air was really bad, and I got ate by some bear,

Canada was a no win, 

No going back there to sin,

The bear pooped me out in the morning, in case you should care.💩💩💩🍸

He'll Never Eat Zombie Again

The zombies came for a meal of my brains,

I killed them with my saw that spins chains,

Zombie parts flew everywhere,

Smell attracted a big bear,

Zombie meat gave the big bear belly pains.

I.PARTIED WITH THE NEIGHBOR'S BEAR

I saw a great big old bear chewing on my neighbor's face,

It didn't bother me since it wasn't happening on my place,

Then the bear and neighbor went inside,

Their bearmance they wanted to hide,

Later I went to visit, brought cold beers, about a case.

A BEAR AND A BIGFOOT PLAYED TETHERBALL

A bear and a Bigfoot played tetherball,
The Bigfoot won because he was so tall,
The bear was a soar loser,
And, sour mash boozer,
The bear swallowed the big foot and all.

MY POKY-STICK AND THE BEARS

For fun I'd go looking for bears,

I'd poke them with a stick for some dares,

But, one bear had a trick,

He broke my poky-stick,

Then he ate me and coughed up my hairs.

THE KIDS FINALLY LEFT HOME

I am afraid my trailer ain't rolling nowhere,

It got ripped right in half by a huge grizzly bear,

The bear ate the kids, 

Methinks that's good-rids,

They were both in their forties, had no job and didn't care.

GREAT BULLFROGS THE SIZE OF DEER

In a hidden pond they did appear,
Great big bullfrogs the size of deer,
One ate a bear, 
That made me scare,
Now, in the tavern I'll drink my beer.

THE QUILLS AND THRILLS OF JASON JOHN JR.

Jason John Jr. was a man seeking  great thrills,
Jason John Jr. was covered with porcupine quills,
He once bested a bear,
Gave a rhino a scare,
One touch and any beast runs for the hills. 

I WENT EXTINCT FEEDING A BEAR

My species went extinct today,

Now I have no one with whom to play,

I found a bear,

But he didn't care,

He ate and swallowed me anyway.

TOM ATE HONEY UNTIL HE SMELLED LIKE A BEE

Tom ate honey until he smelled like a bee,
Which attracted the bears from every county,
Tom feared a bad beaten,
But instead he was eaten,
By a bear who had just ate a Mountie.

MY NUBS AND THE THREE BEARS

Along came two cutie bear cubs,

They were so cute I gave them intense belly rubs,

Then along came their maw,

She gave me her claw,

The three bears chewed me down to my nubs. 

I WENT INTO THE WOODS HUNTING FOR BEARS

I went into the woods hunting for bear,
But, a Bigfoot had already been there,
He ate all the bears,
Except for some hairs,
And then those hairs were no more than two pair.