THE RED PLANET FROZEN BARS

So, methinks I was headed up to Mars,

But my spaceship fell back down and crushed cars,

I got a lawsuit,

From each crushed toot, toot,

Now I deliver to stores ice cream bars.

THIS BOLD MAN...

This bold man, he had a son,

He had two, but away the other run,

With a big black Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, had a home with a view,

He hated his neighbors, and they hated him too,

With a big black, Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, had a yacht on the sea,

With the rich and powerful, he liked to party,

With a big, black Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, he could not fall asleep,

His son had called him a greedy, selfish creep,

With a big, black Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, at a new beginning, he did arrive,

He became kind and generous, and finally felt alive,

He sold his big, black Cadillac, his yacht, and fancy home,

He quit all his drooling, and built a homeless shelter dome.

THE SNOW IS WOE LIMERICK

I don't like November snow,

It traps my car, so I can't go,

Will I get food, I do not know,

The cold hurts, I feel woe,

I hired someone for a driveway blow.

22123

THE HAPPY RHYMEY TIMES

Several years ago, people would mostly speak in a rhyme,

People were very happy, and very happy all the time,

Then along came this meanie,

Speaking the language, obsceney.

Now if you don't speak obsceney, it is considered a crime.

IRREGARDLESS, I SAY

For Bill, "irregardless" is his favorite word,

But amongst PhD scholars it's a word never heard,

Now Bill gets a thrill,

Telling the smart ones to chill,

Saying, " irregardless is the newspeak of the nerd."

BEARS DO THE SILLIEST THINGS

Three bears, they went a sailing, out across the sea,

They were headed to Camp Grabbing with a load of Turkish tea,

When their boat popped a leak,

The bears knew they were up a creek,

So, they retired and took up whaling, in the state of Tennessee.  

MY HONEY MAKES HONEY FOR MY TOAST

My honey, my funny, the one who makes me feel like me,

Moved out of our home, to live on some boards in a tree,

Their hair got thin and fuzzy,

They started sounding buzzy,

Then low and behold, they turned into a bee.

BARRY THE BLUE BOOMERANG WENT WHERE

Barry the blue boomerang, flew fast through the hot air,

He'd fly out just so far, then headed back to one square,

Then along came a strong breeze, 

A bit of a steering tease,

That turned into a tornado, and Barry went where?

ME AND MICKEY DOWN BY THE SEASIDE

Me and Mickey were pals, and we always sat by the sea,

Watching the sunsets, dreaming of what the next day might be,

One day Mickey didn't show,

For mature, he did grow,

Now, Mickey spends all his sunsets, with his growing family.

CROAK GOES THE WEASEL

I wish up in Canada, they'd stop the smoking,

So that people in Michigan, could stop choking,

It just ain't at all fair,

There's smoke clouds everywhere,

I saw a weasel gasp for air, I think he was croaking

WEIRD SCIENCE TODAY (TIN FOIL HAT LIMERICKS)

I drank contaminated tap water, and got sick as a dog,

Then I turned into a girly frog,

In a pond by some trees,

I laid my babies,

They're camouflaged as pond scum, under a log. 🐸

MAXINE AND ROD

There once were two peas in a pod,

Their names were Maxine and Rod,

From their spacious abode,

They were cooked, then they goed,

Crowded into a can like the cod.

AUF WIEDERSEHEN TO MAY

Auf Wiedersehen to May,

While a volcano spits away,

And, the suns getting hotter,

Dried ponds for the otter,

While polar bears move onto the clay,

Auf Wiedersehen to May,

The glaciers slide into the bay,

Migrationers don't fly,

And, the west lands go dry,

May June bring a much wetter day.