GERTY, THE DIRTY LITTLE DOG

My Gerty, the dirty little dog,

Jumped on my Android, and tried to vlog,

She's still my best buddy,

But, her paws were muddy,

My Android screen is covered with fog.

SNAPPING TURTLES WENT FOR MY TOES

I went swimming with the turtles, and what did I find?

Turtles like to snap toes off, which left me in a bind,

I would have drowned that day,

But a whale came my way,

The whale swam me to my home, because that whale was kind.

RECKONING BY THE ELVES

My kitty likes to tear, rip and shred, elves into small parts,

So on Christmas Day,  we just get one wrapped box, full of farts,

Real bad it makes us feel,

It ruins our Christmas meal,

So we go to the store, and play race with shopping carts.

THE PERPETRATOR HAD WINGS II

My parrot would fly, and knock over ma's high priced lamps,

Parrot scratched cousin Paul, and bit the ear off poor gramps,

What a criminal mind,

Common with his winged kind,

I chased Parrot out the door, he can go live with tramps.

ALL THAT BANGING MUST HURT

Johnny banged, and banged, and banged on the floor,

Johnny hurt his self, and he did it no more,

He calmed down real good,

He did just as he should,

Then David started bang, bang, banging the door.

A RECKONING FOR THE PIGS

The pigs chased all the hens out of the chicken coup,

The pigs ate all the eggs, then made chicken nest soup,

The poor chickens were really sad,

Because the pigs behaved so bad,

So the farmer short chained the pigs, to his back stoop.

PIGS GOT MY PAP AND BOYS

All the morel mushrooms were being dug up by feral pigs,

So, we went out hunting them, by following their pig digs,

But, those clever pigs dug a trap,

Caught my two kids, and my pap,

I then bravely ran away, to hide at cousin Quigs.

CRAWDAD GOT TALENT

I bought a fish tank for my pet crawdad, Mr. Bay Jay,

Mr. Bay Jay was happy, and in his tank he would play,

He had a toy flute,

And he played it, so quite,

Sometimes he'd stare at me, but that was ok. 

IT STINKS, BECAUSE THE DUCKS SCREWED AROUND

Two ducks travel with me in my Ford Motor car,

On long trips they pee in an old mason jar,

But one was wise-craken,  

The other laugh-quacken,

The spill smells like the urinal at the bar.

"I HAVE TRINKETS FOR SALE, BEEP BEEP"

I bought a box of trinkets, cheap,

I bought them from a a trinkets creep,

His voice was all nasal,

His breath smelled of witch hazel,

He ended every sentence with "beep, beep".

WE WERE NOT GOOD: SORRY SANTA POEM

I HUNG UP MY SOCKS

I hung up my socks by the old fireplace,
Hoping that Santa would come in the night,
I had no cookies sitting on the doily of lace,
My funds were all gone was my plight,

I and my family all went to sleep,
Waiting for the sunrise,
Haunted by the promises to be good we didn’t keep,
Because Santa was all knowing and all wise,

I don’t return to the library on time every book,
My son has been caught telling lies,
My daughter, my mother’s teeth she took,
When my wife wants her way then she cries,

I’m not really sure why Santa stopped by,
For we’re unreliable, cry, steal teeth and tell lies,
But, Santa left us all kinds of food and great stuff,
For all of us it was an awesome surprise.

I AM A LITTLE BLOGGER LIVING ON THE MOON

I am a little blogger living on the moon,
I like munching on potato chips, then go sleep all afternoon,
I like to blog about that and this,
I brag about the ones I kiss,
And rate SCFI movies like Trek and Dune.