PET DRAGONS EAT PEASANTS AND NOBLES

My big pet dragon, he just eats and he eats,

Dragon eats one peasant, and then he repeats,

I'm running out of my peasants,

He won't eat cows, pigs or pheasants,

I fear he'll eye me, and my family, as meats.

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NOT HARDER TIMES, WHEN I GOT DIMES

My net worth is a pocket full of dimes,

I have lived through much harder times,

I'd eat some begged bread,

Felt myself well feed,

For more bread, I'd do all sorts of crimes.

BUGGY BITTERS

Whenever I go down to the neighborhood pub,

I get layers of dead bugs in my bitters and grub,

Tried partaking elsewhere,

Found much short pubic hair,

I guess the bugs are ok at my old townie hub.

THE FANCY PET DUDE

I bought a fancy pet dog, and bought him fancy pet food,

I now pretend to be a modern, fancy pet dude,

I chum with fancy pet owner friends,

It's a class of pretends,

Pretending a dog's business isn't crude.

LEON THE TOAD GOT EVEN

Leon the toad, got bit by a big tick,

That made Leon the toad, incredibly sick,

The internet thought funny,

When Leon became runny,

So, Leon bought the internet, and made it die quick.

THE TWO WORD LANGUAGE

I don't speak good German, and my French is even worse,

When I try speaking Latin, I get called disgusting and perverse,  

But the language I speak good,

Is my local neighborhood,

There we speak just two words, that are a universal curse.  

MY NAME IS DISMAL THE CLOWN

My fortunes were dismally down,

So I went to see the royal crown,

Because I protested,

I was arrested,

And sentenced to dress as a clown.

BETWEEN BACON AND SOCIAL MEDIA, I CHOSE BACON EVERYTIME

I went to Twitter and I couldn't twit a tweet,

I felt really low, I felt deep defeat,

I did not get bitter,

Because they signed me off Twitter,

I can spend the time frying bacon to eat.

THE GLITTER QUITTER CRITTER

Got me some eye makeup and glitter,

To make a new selfie for Twitter,

Made many fans bitter,

They called me a dimwiter,

I canceled my account, because I'm also a quitter.

MY TWEET, TWEET WAR

I got told off, and it was bitter,

By a bot troll, trolling Twitter,

They said I was a stupid quitter,

Said I should shut up, or I'd getter,

I addressed the bot, called them, Dim Witter. 

HORSEY DORSEY ON TWITTER

Horsey Dorsey had four feet,

Horsey Dorsey liked to tweet,

When his hooves would quickly pound,

He made a galloping hoof sound,

Unless he had music, then he'd pound to the beat.

I BECAME A SOCIAL WEATHERMAN

I joined a club to be with birds of a feather,

Didn't realize that club studied bad weather,

In the tornadoes and rain,

I ached with arthritis pain,

Would have blown away, without my tether. 

DANNY THE BIG SHOT, GOT BEACHED OUT

Danny was a grocer; ten times a millionaire,

He thought himself a big shot; he figured he was there,

So he bought a big boat,

To join the yacht float,

But he was rejected, he was not a billionaire.

BREAKFAST POST ROAST URINE

I went to do an internet post,

While in thought I burned my toast,

It was my last slice of bread,

That was not stale, moldy dead,

My coffee tastes like a urinal roast.

THERE WAS A GOLDFISH NAMED DREW

There was a nice goldfish named Drew,
But, instead of gold he was blue,
Blue made him feel sad,
But, he shouldn't feel bad,
A blue goldfish was just something new.