THE LOOKSMAXXER

I tried hard to be a blogger looksmaxxer; it did not do me any good,

The first thing I did to improve my looks, was smack my face on petrified wood,

Tried sandpaper on my cheeks,

Got all kinds of bloody leaks,

I used a blowtorch to remove pimples, was committed, and misunderstood.

LISTEN TO YOUR CANDY CANE

I'm a little, green striped, candy cane,

I've got a real, human, working brain,

The tongue licks, they tickle,

I taste like a pickle,

If you think I'm talking, you're insane.

MOMMY AND DADDY: BAD GRACES

I foolishly told mama she was looking grandma, old,

She ratted me out to daddy, who gave  me a daddy scold,

That put small puddles in both my eyes,

So, a make up plan, I did devise,

I claimed I had a bad disease, a wheeze and sniffles cold.

THEY DON'T HATCH OUT ALL GROWNUP

I inherited a dinosaur egg; it was really old,

The old egg has been in my family, since a time untold,

Yesterday, a saur popped out,

The kids and spouse all gave a shout,

They named the dino Spanky, because he acted two years old.

THE FIT IN (2026)

I am sociopathic, and it inspires me to both dance and sing,

When I hear of tragedy for others, I hear the bells of joy, Ding,Ding!

It is very popular and cool,

To bask in this world of cruel,

Especially, when great cruelty brings, a treasure chest of coin and bling.

ROPE AND THE SEAHORSE

My sad seahorse was doing an unhappy mope,

So, I untethered him from his constraining rope,

He quick, ran away,

He'll come back one day,

Once he learns in life, sometimes you must learn to cope.

WORLDS BELOW: THE DINGHY, IN WHICH I FLOAT

Everyone, onshore complains, that I'm a daft, old, grumpy goat,

I spend all my time fishing in my dinghy; a tiny, tin boat,

No observed, worldly ties,

Seen by the shore people's, eyes,

The worlds I know, rest in seas below, the dinghy, in which I float.

STANLEY WENT HOPPING MAD

Stanley was acting weird and real funny,

He hopped around like a crazy bunny,

When they sent Stan away,

For a mental health stay,

His eyes teared and his nose got real runny.

MARTY THE SMARTY WANTS YOU FOR DINNER

Marty the great physicist, was a mathematics big deal,

But none of his equations, could predict what was real and unreal,

It racked Marty in his big brain,

He became completely insane,

His conviction for cannibalism, is in court on appeal.

THE INTERVENTION MADE ME A LOSER

My cow loves her alcohol, but her milk is full of booze,

And every time I drink her milk, I have to take a snooze,

With the pig, goat, rooster and horse,

The cow got an intervention, of course,

Now depressed, she won't give milk, and the vitamin D I lose.