ITCHY CARPET

When I sit down on my carpet I start to itch,

I kind of blamed it on my little pooch, Mitch,

But, maybe it is not my little dog,

It could be my pet pig named Mog,

Or, my gerbils Frank, Leon and Rich.

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A MEANER BEAR LIMERICK

A meaner bear I never saw,
Than the one in the woods near Mackinac,
He attacked my camp site,
Ate my fish in one bite,
Then on my tires he started to gnaw.

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THREE LITTLE GRAY MICE LIMERICK

There once were three little gray mice,
They tunneled deep beneath the ice,
They ran into a red fox,
Who liked mice with his lox,
He served them in a side dish with rice.

I HOPE TO HECK MY PARSNIPS GROW LIMERICK

I hope to heck my parsnips grow, 
Deep beneath the piled up snow, 
In the winter I'll eat, 
Starvation I'll beat, 
If I remember where I planted the row.

BARKLEY THE BUFFALO

Barkley was a buffalo,
He lived in Manistee,
And, everywhere that Barkley went,
He showed hostility,

Barkley tore up every bar,
He trampled people on the beach,
He showed road rage in his car,
His mind you could not reach,

Finally, they had to put Barkley down,
He was too dangerous and mean,
So, they chopped him up and made ground round,
Buffalo burger is really lean.

THREE LITTLE SHREWS

There were three little shrews,
They tried wearing each others shoes,
One shrew’s feet were too fat,
Another shrew’s feet were flat,
The third shoved size four feet into twos.

PRISCILLA THE FISH FOUND HER LIFE MATE

Priscilla the fish thought she had found her life mate,
She found him on Facebook and thought he was great,
But, when her special person didn’t show,
On their first date in the sea below,
Her feelings were rated devastate.

GORDO THE DRAGON SLAYER PART II

Gordo bragged he was a dragon slayer,
But, no knight considered him a real player,
When a dragon came around,
Gordo was not to be found,
He ran out of town on any conveyor.

THE GREEN SNAKES AND THE TADPOLE

In a small, shallow pond there lived a tadpole named Mike. Now Mike had several hundred brothers and sisters however, Mike’s brothers and sisters had all become frogs and had hopped away into the forest to find their own ponds where they could swim. This left Mike all alone in what seemed to be a much bigger pond than it had been when his brothers and sisters were still there.

One day, two green snakes came slithering into the pond. Mike was at first happy to see that he had some company but, the snakes began chasing after Mike and tried to eat him. Mike was very good at diving so he dove under the water and hid under some lily pads. After a while the snakes left but, the next day the two snakes were back and were again chasing poor Mike all around the pond. Mike screamed “Oh great green snakes please don’t eat me I haven’t even had a chance to grow up and become a frog yet.” But, Mike’s pleas were to no avail and the snakes kept chasing after him. Mike again hid under some lily pads until the snakes left the pond. This went on for about a week then; the green grass snakes went away for the rest of the summer to stay with an aunt and uncle who lived under a nice big rock at the edge of a beautiful lake.

When the summer came to an end the two green snakes returned home. They decided to go down to the little lily pond to see if they could make a snack of that tadpole they had left behind several weeks earlier. The two snakes slithered down to the pond and into the water. They looked all over for the tadpole. They even discovered his secret hiding spot under the lily pads. Finally, as the two green snakes were getting ready to give up looking for the tadpole, they noticed two really strange looking little islands in the middle of the pond. The snakes were curious about the islands because they had never seen them there before so, they swan over to investigate the islands. But, just as the snakes were almost on top of the islands a huge bullfrog surfaced. It seems the islands were actually the bull frog’s eyes and he had been waiting for the snakes to swim over to him.

“Remember me my fine green fellows,” the bull frog said to the snakes. “A few weeks ago I was just a little tadpole swimming around in this lily pond when you guys showed up and tried to eat me. You even came back several times looking for me and you terrified me like you would not believe. You knew then you could get away with terrifying me because at the time I was just a little unimportant tadpole. As you can see now, since you’ve been gone I’ve grown up quite a bit and everyone looks up to me because I have become so big and powerful. And, do you know what food I now like best?” The two snakes just lay in the water too shocked and afraid to move in front of the large bull frog.

The bull frog had a large grin on his face as he said, “My favorite food are green snakes”. With that the bull frog licked his lips and then proceeded to slurp each green snake down whole like a long piece of spaghetti. The bull frog was quite happy that he had devoured those awful snakes who had tormented him so much when he was just a little tad pole.

THERE WAS A DUCK NAMED MURKY LIMERICK

There was a duck named Murky,
He sounded like a turkey,
It only stood to reason,
During hunting season,
He was shot for being quirky.

A CHIPMUNK NAMED BOB

There was a little chipmunk Bob,
Stealing from squirrels was his job,
He'd watch them all day,
Then, when they hit the hay,
All of their treasures he'd rob.

A chipmunk named Bob liked to steal,
He'd watch the squirrels bury each meal,
A digging Bob would go,
But, once he was too slow,
And a squirrel bit Bit Bob on the heel.

A LITTLE LIE TO MY GIRLFRIEND ABOUT MY HOME

I'm afraid I told my girlfriend a little fib,
When I bragged about my fabulous crib,
She was taken aback,
With my tar papered shack,
And, jabbed her elbow right into my rib.   

THE FISH IN MY YARD LIMERICK

I had a fish in my yard,
He went and ate my swiss chard,
He was such a savage, 
He ate all of my cabbage,
He brags about it everywhere like a bard.   

THE TWO CHICKENS TALK LIMERICK

This morning I heard two chickens squawk,
Then, their squawking seemed to turn to talk,
But, what did they say?
Was it goodnight or good day?
I don’t know because they were speaking in hawk.

SHELIA THE COW HAD GAS

Shelia was a big white cow,
She ate up all the grass,
But, when at night she did lie down,
She passed enormous gas.