ONLINE TUNA FISH AND HOMEMADE WINE

I ordered some tuna fish, online,

I opened the can and it smelled fine,

I ate it and drank homemade red wine,

I got gassy bubbles, a bad sign,

They buried me in a box; white pine.

 pine.

ALL I HAD

All I had was a bottle of glue,

Some tuna that had turned green and blue,

Some bug that had warts,

Little twigs of all sorts,

And that's what's in your supper stew.

SAMMY'S SAUSAGE MALFUNCTION

Sammy ate pork sausage not quite done,

He ate it anyway because he had to run,

But it was not funny,

When the pork came out runny,

While Sammy was meeting with his big bosses son.

PORRIDGE, KIDNEY, SPLEEN

My cash reserves were pretty lean,

My bank account was empty, clean,

I took cornmeal and made some porridge, 

The cornmeal came from long term storage,

And it was so contaminated, I lost a kidney and a spleen.

MY GRITTY EGGS

My scrambled eggs ain't pretty,

They are mostly grits and gritty,

When you barf, you'll have my pity,

Then, you'll complain on Face and Twitty,

As to my cooking, you'll be quitty.

A FISH THAT DON'T FLOP CAN MAKE INTERNAL ORGANS ALL STOP

I found a fish up on the shore,

Maybe he once flopped but, he did not flop anymore,

So, I fried him in a vat,

Greased him up with bacon fat,

But, in a few hours he made my innards feel soar.

DONNY'S BAKING WAS SO BAD

Donny's Christmas cookies tasted like a toilet that would not flush,

Donny said that all complainers should just shut their traps and hush,

Donny made a Christmas cake,

That made all bellies really ache,

Donny said his bad baking was because he had to rush.