THE CONQUISTADORS FROM PLANET EARTH

We're launching our great spacecraft, out to claim planets of the nearest stars,

I'm working with a new AI co-pilot, his name is, "Blast E'm" Lars,

There's six decks of cows to eat,

Warriors love their red, raw meat,

We ate a thousand cows, when we destroyed the empire, found on Mars.

ICKY VICKY THE SPIDER

Icky, Vicky the spider, sat in her spiderweb with her face all in a pout,

She had not had any juicy flies to eat; she just sat there drinking down a stout, 

Icky Vicky did something that was really bad,

She did to her spouse, what her ma did to her dad,

There wasn't much evidence left about, except chewed spider legs, cleared away doubt.

BLOWING SNOW, AND KIN IN THE TIN

The snow piled up on top of the roof, and the whole darn roof came caving in,

It made a horrible, terrifying noise, because the roof was made of tin,

We got more wind blow,

And, in blew more snow

The family is not doing  bad, but we're still missing a couple of kin.

TOILET DOWN

My neighbor sat on my bathroom toilet, and the toilet fell through the floor,

My neighbor is threatening a lawsuit, for a million dollars, or more,

My neighbor weighs near 400 lbs,

He sinks when he walks on any grounds,

My attorney said settle, sell my house, and accept being lawsuit poor.

I DRANK CHAMOMILE TEA AND GOT A BELLY ACHE

I was fluttering around like a dizzy, busy bee,

Then I fell into a glass cup of hot chamomile tea,

I started to cook and drown,

But, as I was sinking down,

Two fingers pinched and pulled me out, then squished the guts from me.

WHEN THINGS FALL APART, GET YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND

A big baboon and a little ginger, went on a  fair ride,

On a rusty, rickety ferris wheel, they sat side by side,

When the wheel fell all apart,

The baboon showed he was smart,

He swung down using cables, the ginger got impaled, and died.

BUGS IN MY EGGS

My name is Penny, I'm A bird with a bird nest,

A bug laid eggs in my eggs; her babies ate best,

The bug flew fast, away,

I'll catch her in a day,

Her bug days are numbered, tasting bug guts, my quest.

THE PODCAST SALES LIMERICK

There once was a podcaster, and his name was Hot Stew,

Hot Stew started podcasting, to have something to do,

He made dollars in millions,

Then came all of Stew's billions,

Online he sold enemas, both refurbished and new.

POLAR VORTEX LOSS

A big polar vortex came down after me,

That's why I'm buried in an ice and snow sea,

I've dug all about,

Found no real way out,

This spring they'll find my carcass; that's how it be.     

I tried making a fire, but have no firewood,

The furniture is metal, so that does me no good,

My clothing is quite warm,

Holding out for this storm,

I will last dream of my babe, walking old Hollywood.

When I thawed, I was buried deep in the ground,

I heard my babe crying, a faint, fading sound,

Forever is lonely, I understand,

Just darkness and quiet,

No sky, ocean or land.

 

Note: "Sweet Betsy Of Pike Melody"

I WILL BE ONE WITH THE LAWN

The doctor said to me, soon I'd be all gone,

I would probably not make it, until dawn,

Tainted preserve spread,

Was making me dead,

I'll soon be greening up a small plot of lawn.

I'm Comfortable, Except For The Tree

Someone placed a pretty flower above, on my worn headstone,

My body is so rotted, all that's left is my jaw bone,

My ghost sometimes will prance,

And, around my grave I'll dance,

The tree that has grown straight out of me, will often drop a cone.