MY LIFE IN PLASTIC PIECES

I bought two little knick knacks, to display on my little dorm bookshelf,

One was a 3 inch plastic bear, the other a 2 inch plastic elf,

The bear had great big teeth,

The elf wore a Christmas wreath,

Next day, I found my knacks in pieces, broken by my mean roommate, Ralph.

KITE ON A WIRE

I went outside to fly my brand new red kite,

It kept crashing, because it was so darn light,

I flew it on a wire,

Lightning struck, it taught fire,

My tennis shoes melted, and now they're too tight.

BEN DOES THE SNOW

Ben's driveway was covered with snow,

Ben decided to give it a blow,

Ben is just a big slob,

He did one sloppy job,

Then he cleaned off the ice with a hoe.

WHERE DOES SANTA GET HIS TOYS?

Where does Santa get his toys?
They are made by elves for good girls and boys,
And, for boys and girls who are really bad,
They get lumps of coal then, they feel sad,

Where does Santa get his lumps of coal?
From deep shaft mines worked by a creature called troll,
And, while elves get a golden toy factory pass,
Trolls work deep in the earth like a true second-class,

Now, old Santa is a jolly old elf,
And, he promotes the ones who are just like himself,
 But, he does provide jobs for those who work underground,
In mines that are cited as unsafe and unsound,

Yet, the trolls do not live a life of quiet despair,
Instead, they plot revolution to make society fair,
Now, on Christmas morning when you get your big lump of coal,
Remember, the coal came from the toils of the second-class troll.

SLEIGH BELLS AND COOKIE

Cookie was Santa's favorite reindeer,

She always had a joke, and was full of good cheer,

And every year,

She'd load the sled gear,

And, licked clean Santa's bells, so they were easy to hear.

THE E-SCOOTER THAT SCOOTED

My mean e-scooter ran far, far away,

And, left me laying in the road today,

He went so scary fast,

Left me wearing a cast,

I'm gonna sue, he vows he'll never pay.

THE BUGGY OLD ELF CAN FINALLY GO HOME

In the month of August, Santa got an itchy, buggy beard,

Santa couldn't go through customs, because his bugs could not get cleared,

Down in Florida, Santa wastes away,

At least, that's what some folks say,

Some say Santa went to a barber, and had his bug beard sheared.

A POX ON CRISTMAS IN JULY

I got a toy train for Christmas, but I just got it out of the box,

It's almost the 4th of July, and I'm stuck home with the chicken pox,

My train goes "choo, choo, choo",

With an engine hauling cars #1 and #2,

It's run over two small plastic humans, and almost hit the rubber fox.

DOES DRAGON RHYME WITH PAGAN?

The giant green dragon,

Bent my best red wagon,

My wagon is sagging,

Dragon tail is rear dragging,

I'm a cursed little pagan.

PHIL HAD DOWNHILL FUN

Donny had a red wagon, but it fit only one,

Donny  couldn't ride in it, because he weighed a ton,

So Donny sold it to Phil,

Who took it up the hill,

And went riding so fast, Phil had lots of fun.

CLIFF HAD NINE BOXES OF TOYS-Limerick

Cliff had nine boxes of toys,
He had everything played with by boys,
His girlfriend named Pearl,
Had every toy for a girl,
Their kids just wanted to make noise.

A POOR SOULS PRACTICAL CHRISTMAS WISH

I wish Santa would bring me some cloths,

Like some socks to thaw out my toes,

Maybe a coat to stay warm,

Boots to walk a snow storm,

And some pants so my legs don't get froze.

SANTA MAN AND THE MILK COW, AND BEN

Mossy my milk cow, she pulled Santa's sleigh,

That's because the reindeer had all run away,

Santa had gained many a pound,

The sleigh wouldn't lift off the ground,

Mossy and bull Ben, powered Santa that day.

FEE-FI-FO-FOOP, I SMELL PORCH PIRATE SOUP

There was a little porch pirate who lived in the bushes near my stoop,

I knew he was living there, because I could smell his soup,

Every single day,

He'd steal my packages away,

Even my lawn mower, and my retro hula hoop.

I BUILT A CITY IN JUST 4 SQUARE FEET

I built a model city using only 4 square feet,

It even has a factory that makes drums for kids to beat,

And of course it has a tiny train,

With a small airport for a plane,

And through a window at city hall, sits the mayor in his seat.

MY SINK GOT MY PINK

I decided to play with my old slinky,

It was sharp and cut off my big pinky,

In less than a blink,

My pink went down the sink,

For the next month my house smelled really stinky.

I AIN'T A GOOD GIRL OR GOOD BOY

It's the day after Christmas and I've broken all my toys,

I guess I ain't one of those good girls or good boys,

So, I took my gift called a sweater,

And, made it much better,

I made a bag I filled with Almond Joys.

DONNY SEEKS JOY BY EVIL DEEDS

Donny wanted all the toys,

So, he bullied all the girls and boys,

And, if a kid said no deal,

Donny simply would steal

Evil deeds were Donny's great joys.