BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

My neighbors were setting off holiday crackers,

The crackers sounded like cannon blast attackers,

One hit my shingled, tar roof,

Caused a fire that went poof,

I'm short a house, and eat donated cheese snackers. 

THE NO HOME CODE

As I turned my old pickup down my home-sweet-home road,

Noticed a contractor was tearing down my abode,

I phone called a cop,

Said please make them stop,

He said no, because I violated building code.

THE TREAT

As I wandered in the cold streets,

Checking dumpsters for my best eats,

Found a kiddie slide,

Took a down slide ride,

Little adventures are life's treats.

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I'VE GOT A RESIDENCE, FOR NOW

It was a little house on a big  city lot,

No one was home, so I decided, make a squat,

I lived there a whole year,

Then happened, my worst fear,

Home came the owners, so I'm in jail on a cot.

HOMELESS AND LOOKING FOR A STABLE RELATIONSHIP

I'm due to make a house payment, but I've got a fun joke to play,

I'm not going to make the payment, by the scheduled payment day,

I felt real lucky, and of course,

Bet my payment on a quarter horse,

I will try to move into the stable, if the horse says I may.

THE MR. MUGGER TALE

Mr. Mugger had some debt,
He had bills he could not pay,
He figured he was really set,
‘Till he lost his job one day,

Mr. Mugger lost his house,
He even lost his car,
He only had his darling spouse,
She met another at a bar,

Mr. Mugger sat on a rock,
That overlooked the bay,
Mr. Mugger didn’t own a sock,
His feet got cold that day,

His belly growled really loud,
He had no money to eat,
He had sold his socks and overcoat,
He was living on the street,

Mr. Mugger turned to crime,
He figured he had nothing to loose,
But, when he got a little cash,
He just spent it all on booze,

Mr. Mugger ended up in jail,
That is the place he really should be,
With three squares how could he fail?
Better warm and full than free.

I SHARED MY HOME IN THE VILLAGE

I went into the village to find me some heat,

I found a huge box, lying free in the street,

I just got moved in,

And along comes my kin,

I let them all stay; they brought raisins to eat.

BARKING OFF THE WRONG TREE

Poor Lucinda got real bad sick, and turned a white and chalky way,

She ate poison tree bark, and putrefied into the clay, 

Lucinda had no money,

To leave to her son Sonny,

So Sonny moved into a box, beneath a bridge down by the bay.

 

MY LITTLE RED BARN IS NO MORE LIMERICK

My little red barn is no more,
The snow on the roof pushed the roof to the floor,
And, as for my cows,
They suffered ouches and oughs,
But, their safe though their homeless and poor.

WINTER WOED ME GOOD

It is the winter of my woe,

It got so cold I froze my toe,

Can't pay for heat, I'm out of doe,

The roof caved in because of snow,

I'm burning books, so heat I'll know.

FIRE SALE

My prop taxes are due once again,

They've gone up on my shack made of tin,

During the last four big fires,

My trailer lost all four tires,

I just can't move away, I can't win.

WOE CAUSED BY SNOW, NOW NO CASTLE TO KEEP

The roof on my home was felled by the snow,

The roof completely collapsed, so I had nowhere to go,

I could only weep,

I had no castle to keep,

And  winter nights are a cause of great woe. 

JIM'S MORTGAGE WAS SINK OR SWIM

With Jim's mortgage it was sink or swim,

In choices the banks gave no other,

So, Jim chose the choice easiest for him,

He moved in with his mother. 

A LIMERICK MADE A BANKER LOOK BAD

A limerick made a banker look bad,
But, the banker got even not mad,
He took the Limerick man’s house,
Bankrupted his spouse,
Now, the Limerick man’s homeless and sad.