LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
Holiday
.
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Showing posts with label
Holiday
.
Show all posts
Saturday, December 21, 2024
THEY CAME FOR CHRISTMAS AND WILL STAY ALL WINTER.
The only gift I got Christmas day, was a pine tree full of bugs,
When I brought my tree inside, the bugs thawed and fell onto my rugs,
Oh, Christmas green tree
How hateful of ye,
I'll be scratching all winter long, because of bug bites, digs and dugs.
Wednesday, December 18, 2024
ICE HONEY HOLIDAYS
In Michigan, we have in the winter, what we call, snow bees,
They hibernate in summer, and in winter make ice honeys,
The public wallet is the jurist,
Ice honey is a fav of tourists,
Ice honeys are made, until it's time for chocolate bunnies.
CHRISTMAS WINTER SNOWBALL CHILI
My special Christmas Winter Chili, did not turn out so well,
I subed snowballs for meatballs, but where the balls went, I can't tell,
There was no grease at all, but lots of cold water,
The chili was diluted, and made less hotter,
I won't market my Chili, because I'm sure it will not sell.
Tuesday, December 17, 2024
Martian Drones Are Here Shopping For Christmas๐๐
There was a mystery drone that landed on my trailer house,
The drone crushed in the roof a bit, and caused an "eek!", from a mouse,
I snuck outside for a peek,
The drone was taking a leak,
The drone said it was shopping for a Christmas gift, a blouse.
Saturday, December 14, 2024
DOLPH, THE SHINY TAILED REINDEER
Dolph, the sleigh bell, Santa reindeer, had a big, shiny tail,
You could see him flying through snowstorms, and rainstorms with hail,
On coco, Dolph, was wired,
So, Dolph, never got tired,
Dolph, led Santa's sleigh, after his red nosed father, expired.
Friday, December 13, 2024
THERE WERE THREE SHIPS COME SINKING
There were three ships come sinking; they were sinking on Christmas Day,
There were three ships come sinking, pulled down by monsters in the bay,
For the little girls and boys,
There went the promised Christmas toys,
Christmas ruined by tariff monsters, who stole the fun, away.๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
Friday, December 6, 2024
I CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITH BELLY TREATS
Every single Christmas, I get fired,
It is never quite the Christmas, desired,
But, I got a nice big stash,
A coffee can full of cash,
I'll buy some pop and cookies, and get wired.
Monday, December 2, 2024
Depression, Starvation, No Heat: It Must Be Christmas Again
I got sacked before Christmas, and will receive no more pay,
I won't get my Christmas bonus, it's not coming my way,
My kids will get no new toys,
No food for girls and boys,
And, off goes the heat and the lights, now it's a dismal day.
Thursday, November 28, 2024
MY TURKEY GAVE THE TOWNSHIP THE BIRD
I had the biggest turkey in the village,
So big, that they raised higher, my tax millage,
But, on turkey cook day,
The big turkey got away,
And, the town square rose bushes, it would pillage.
Tuesday, November 19, 2024
THE PILGRIM MADE PROGRESS, UNTIL...
There was a young pilgrim at my front door,
He delivered cranberries from the store,
I paid him a tip,
Away he did skip,
He fell on his butt, and I bet he was sore.
Sunday, September 1, 2024
BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE
My neighbors were setting off holiday crackers,
The crackers sounded like cannon blast attackers,
One hit my shingled, tar roof,
Caused a fire that went poof,
I'm short a house, and eat donated cheese snackers.
Thursday, June 13, 2024
I THINK WE CELEBRATED WITH SAM
I use to have a pony, and his name was Sam,
One day Sam disappeared; the day ma fixed a ham,
It was one glorious beast,
The ham was our Christmas feast,
We all got bloated guts, especially, aunt Pam.
Saturday, May 25, 2024
MY HAMBURGER SHOULD MAKE ANIMAL SOUNDS
Outdoor grilled hamburgers should be almost, living tissue,
Always, when they are over grilled, that becomes an issue,
Just give a flip and a flop,
Grill marks, both bottom and top,
If you overcook my burger, bad things I will wish you.
Wednesday, December 27, 2023
FREE CANDY CANES ARE NOT ALWAYS FREE
I love to get free candy canes everywhere I go,
But, now most stores don't give them out,
So, my stash stays pretty low,
Of course, I can go to grandmas and pick them off her tree
But, if she catches me she spanks me on her gnarled knee,
Now, I am nearly forty and grandma's ninety-three,
I just hope she don't hurt her hip, when lambasting little me.
PP122318
HEAT, LIGHTS, TIGHTS AND POO SOAP
The Christmas presents I got, I took back to the store,
I can use the cash from the returns, much, much more,
I can pay my heat and lights,
Maybe, buy new ballet tights,
And some soap, to scrub the dog poo off the floor.
Tuesday, December 26, 2023
UNCLE JAKE IS NUTS, BUT HE DIDN'T HURT ANYONE THIS CHRISTMAS
Christmas is all over, and I am giving Uncle Jake a golden star,
He did not try to run us over in his Lincoln Continental car,
I took away his baseball bat,
Replaced it with a tin foil hat,
And, I sent with him home, my homemade mincemeat in a jar.
Monday, December 25, 2023
CHRISTMAS WAS MY NO PIE CRY DAY
For Christmas dinner, I forgot to bake pie,
I was confronted by my guests, who asked why?
I was so full of despair,
I pulled out my hair,
And, locked myself in my bedroom to cry.❄๐ญ
Sunday, December 24, 2023
I BLAME MY BROTHER
Those little elves have been spying for Santa Claus,
I haven't been good, so this years presents might pause,
I think it wise,
Not to apologise,
I'll blame my brother for the bad things I cause.
P2121122
Saturday, December 23, 2023
MY DELICIOUS CHRISTMAS GOAT CHEESE
Everyone loves my Christmas goat cheese,
I bring some to work each year, as a smell tease,
Sometimes it ain't right,
And, empties bowels overnight,
For my goats often have diarrhea disease.
Sunday, December 17, 2023
THE BEAST RUINED OUR CHRISTMAS FEAST
I chopped some firewood to cook the beast,
It was the main course at our Christmas feast,
But the beast was not dead,
It bit off my head,
That was the scenario I planned for, the least.
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