I SWAM ACROSS A POND OF SCUM

I went swimming in a scum-pond, wearing shorts,

My body got covered with black, squishy warts,

I scissored them off,

But developed a cough,

I've been consuming cough syrup by quarts.

REMEDY ROOMS

Todd had mushrooms growing on his ceiling,

Todd's mother asked what was Todd dealing,

She thought the mushrooms were worth stealing,

She hoped with muskrat, they'd taste appealing,

And give her ulcer some wood witch healing.

THE MORAL MUSHROOM RHYME

What flavor is the mushroom?

Methinks the mushroom flavor bold,

What value is the flavor?

For morals it's sterling and gold,

Moral mushroom festivals are charming,

But, in the deep timbers where mushrooms are found,

Trespassers find it harming,

And, they often fertilize the ground,

So, if you go moral hunting,

Best take a bit of care,

Or better, take a twelve-gauge,

For the claim jumpers and bear.

JIM'S HOMEMADE PIZZA

Jim's homemade pizza didn't taste so good,
It tasted like fungus on wet firewood,
It was outhouse-like smelly,
And, made sharp pains in Jim's belly,
It seems the recipe Jim misunderstood.