A LOCAL ROLLERBLADER, STOLE ALL OF MAMA'S MARMALADE

Someone raided my big, kitchen pantry, and stole all of my fancy, marmalade,

They probably took it to Sunshine Town, where it's worth its weight in gold, in a trade,

They might trade it for whisky, made of corn,

Or, those magazines, descent people scorn,

Most likely, they traded to get into that park, where kids skateboard, and rollerblade.

AFTER FAILING MY FINALS, I'M SPINNING MY VINYLS

I love collecting, and listening to music vinyls,

But, this week I need to dedicate my time to finals,

This could be my week of despair,

I'm unattached; no one to care,

If my recordings comfort me, I'll have no anginals.

TRINA WENT TO TOWN

Trina went to town, for a beef sandwich, with gobs of melted , cheddar cheese,

She tells them to hold the tomato, because tomatoes make Trina wheeze,

When Trina gets home, she does dental hygiene,

Unlike grandpa, Trina's teeth are white, and clean,

Grandpa's teeth have rotted all away, so he has to spoon-mash his split peas.

PIKE, BETSY AND MIKE

I write all of my limericks, listening to "Sweet Betsy From Pike",

That is why in my school records, they described me as a sick"psych",

I loved that old ditty, since I was a young tike,

I'd listen to it, when I drove my  motorbike,

At night I would sing a rendition, to my squirrel friend, Big Mike.

UNCLE LEE ON SATURDAY NIGHT

It's a Saturday night out for my old Uncle Lee,

He can kick up his heels, for a small price, nearly free,

There's  cards, darts, bingo and bowling,

Romance: there's vacant lot trolling,

Many find their true love, under the hazel nut tree.

ON THE FIRST DAY OF MARCH

It is the 1st day of March, and my driveway is really sloppy,

When my pickup rolls over it, my pickup goes bippy boppy

I said to the kids I was trying,

While in the back seat they are flying,

Then in the mud we start sinking, and there goes down my jalopy. 

I GOT SOME SPLEENING TO DO

I live in rural America, where the bestest food is fried spleen,

We eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and all meals in between,

I like for a munchy,

Fried spleen that is crunchy,

If you eat spleen far to often, you will find your gills turning green.

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I DIGS A HOUND HOLE FOR MY FRIEND

I'm afraid feeble has become friend, hound,

All he does is eat weeds and laze around,

He's 16 years old,

That's ancient I'm told,

I guess I should dig him a hole in the ground.

TITUS THE TERRIBLE WAS A MAN IN THE PAST

Because Titus was one of the old boys,

He still loved ticker tape and tinker toys,

No modern stuff,

Titus was tough,

He ate red meat and never soys.

DOUGLAS HAD AN OLD VCR

Douglas had an old VCR,
But, he couldn't find anything to play in it,
They no longer put movies on those old wind up tapes,
Instead, they use DVD’s and just spin it.

GETTING OLD

Dark circles under the eyes,

Flabby bulges in the thighs,

Teeth with stains,

Big weight gains,

You turned 21, it's no surprise.

Age, Old, Tired, Teeth

I see you've turned 32,

And, your old soul's feeling blue,

Every workday you rue,

No energy to do,

But, you still got some teeth so, at least you can chew.