UNCLE LEE ON SATURDAY NIGHT

It's a Saturday night out for my old Uncle Lee,

He can kick up his heels, for a small price, nearly free,

There's  cards, darts, bingo and bowling,

Romance: there's vacant lot trolling,

Many find their true love, under the hazel nut tree.

ON THE FIRST DAY OF MARCH

It is the 1st day of March, and my driveway is really sloppy,

When my pickup rolls over it, my pickup goes bippy boppy

I said to the kids I was trying,

While in the back seat they are flying,

Then in the mud we start sinking, and there goes down my jalopy. 

I GOT SOME SPLEENING TO DO

I live in rural America, where the bestest food is fried spleen,

We eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and all meals in between,

I like for a munchy,

Fried spleen that is crunchy,

If you eat spleen far to often, you will find your gills turning green.

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I DIGS A HOUND HOLE FOR MY FRIEND

I'm afraid feeble has become friend, hound,

All he does is eat weeds and laze around,

He's 16 years old,

That's ancient I'm told,

I guess I should dig him a hole in the ground.

TITUS THE TERRIBLE WAS A MAN IN THE PAST

Because Titus was one of the old boys,

He still loved ticker tape and tinker toys,

No modern stuff,

Titus was tough,

He ate red meat and never soys.

DOUGLAS HAD AN OLD VCR

Douglas had an old VCR,
But, he couldn't find anything to play in it,
They no longer put movies on those old wind up tapes,
Instead, they use DVD’s and just spin it.

GETTING OLD

Dark circles under the eyes,

Flabby bulges in the thighs,

Teeth with stains,

Big weight gains,

You turned 21, it's no surprise.

Age, Old, Tired, Teeth

I see you've turned 32,

And, your old soul's feeling blue,

Every workday you rue,

No energy to do,

But, you still got some teeth so, at least you can chew.