ANTIQUE RAFTING

While I rafted down a creek,
My rubber raft ripped a big leak,
Then dry-shore I tried to seek,
But cold water made me swim too meek,
Soon my washed-up bones will be antique.

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THE SNAKE IN THE POOL LIMERICK

A snake fell into my swimming pool,

I guess he wanted to feel real cool,

He chased us all away,

On a hot summer day,

Now "no snakes in the pool" is the rule.

THE SHARK, THE REEF, THE MUMMY AND ME

A shark circled me, while watched by his mummy,

I thought the shark was another reef bummy,

He got right up in my face,

So I sprayed him with shark mace, 

I ended up in his mummy's  big, tummy..

MY RIVER DANCE

I went to do a river dance, and I almost drowned,

The river swept me off my feet, and twisted me round and round,

Then when I thought my body was free,

I was 14 miles out to sea,

I screamed and hollered until sharks came, when they left I made no sound.

TEN LITTLE MINNOWS: THE NOSE POEM

Ten little minnows nibbled on my toes,

I thought nothing of it until their number rose,

When I went to swim to shore,

There were a million minnows more,

All that made it to the shoreline was my nose.

I RENTED A COTTAGE

At 5'8" I hit my head on the stoop,

Then, I just started to recoup,

At a weight of pounds 144,

I fell through the bad floor,

And, went swimming in a basement full of poop.

WE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO CRYSTAL LAKE ON FRIDAY THE 13TH

On Friday the 13th we went skinny dipping at Lake Meade,

"Our folks should never know", is what we all agreed,

But, along  comes this dude, Jason,

With a hockey mask face on,

With a sharp machete that made our necks all start to bleed.

WHEN I EAT PERCH AND THEN SLEEP

Every time I eat fried perch and then sleep,

I dream I'm swimming in out waters, in the way dark and deep,

I'm chased by walleye while, tiny fry are my meat,

I make quick choices to survive and maybe to eat,

And, all around I sense monsters: in the darkness they creep.  

SWIMMING ON THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING

It is the first day of spring and I'd like to go swimming,
But, the lake is froze over so my prospects are dimming,
A cold front is moving in,
So. there is no way I can win,
Except on my ice boat wind skimming.

Fashion Duck went swimming on the first day of spring,
But, it was really cold and he  was froze wing to wing,
He was soon on the very brink,
Of being an iced duck that would sink,
To stay afloat he shed his wallet and his bling.

Old George always went swimming on springs very first day,
He liked to swim clear across the great Sutton's Bay,
But, it was way too cold out this year,
He didn't make it halfway past the pier,
He should be thawed out in the late part of May.