CONTAMINATED GROCERIES, NOW MY CLOTHES MIGHT FIT

Bugs have laid eggs in my food, because my windows have no screens,

That is why I have those maggots, swimming in my pork and beans,

There is a fuzzy worm,

He's chewing my wheat germ,

Maybe I should just diet, at least I'll fit my skinny jeans.

THEY USED THEIR TONGUE TO LICK MY CHERRIES

On this very nice day, I went out cherry picking,

I found all the cherries, bugs were buggy tongue licking,

That made me feel sick,

I went home really quick,

The image of bugs licking the fruit, is still sticking.

BUGGY BITTERS

Whenever I go down to the neighborhood pub,

I get layers of dead bugs in my bitters and grub,

Tried partaking elsewhere,

Found much short pubic hair,

I guess the bugs are ok at my old townie hub.

DUSTY BITTERS

I went to the tavern for a pint of bitters,

In it were specks, looked like little critters,

The bar keep said it was just dust,

He'd pour me another, if he must,

I said that "the legs on the dust gives me jitters".

THE PHAMPHLETEERS

They hand out Pamphlets all day and all night,

About finding bedbugs, and treating their bite,

The greatest bedbug fears,

Are those brave phamfleteers,

That's why bedbugs keep hiding, just out of sight.

THE BUGGY OLD ELF CAN FINALLY GO HOME

In the month of August, Santa got an itchy, buggy beard,

Santa couldn't go through customs, because his bugs could not get cleared,

Down in Florida, Santa wastes away,

At least, that's what some folks say,

Some say Santa went to a barber, and had his bug beard sheared.