THE WEREWOLF AND THE BACK BACON

I walked into the butcher shop, and found a dire werewolf, lurking the store,

He had eaten all the butchers and clerks, and the old guy who sweep/mops the floor,

I asked the creature if it was taken?

I meant the last three pounds of back bacon?

The werewolf just looked and growled at me, as I removed the bacon out the door.

PLANNING FOR BACON AND FRIENDS

I went outside and saw the great blue sky,

I watched my neighbor's, big, fat piggies fly, 

I hoped one would crash,

Then its body I'd stash,

And have a neighborhood, thick bacon fry.

I GAVE MY DOGGY A TUMMY ACHE

I bought some healthy meatless protein burger, today,

It was rather expensive, for my very low, low pay,

I know it is a costly waste,

But I let doggy have a taste,

He vomited all over, now in his bed he lay.

RAW PORK AND ANGELS

I was so very hungry, the noodles tasted real yummy,

They were not at all done, so they were sitting in my tummy,

Then my pig was so raw,

To eat it I done gnaw, gnaw, gnaw,

Now I'm in the hospital, prognosis: they called my mummy.

NESSIE EATS FLIP UP

The Loch Ness monster has ate the seahorse, named Flip,

From the time we were little, Flip was tied to my hip,

Nessie did my Flip wrong,

So I'll write Flip a song,

And, I'll get a new seahorse buddy, named Zip.

DEEP FRIED SPLEEN KIDNEY PIE

Chef made the bestest ever, kidney pie,

It was so delicious, I asked chef,"why?"

Chef said he made kidneys appeal,

By wrapping with the spleen of eel,

Cooked in grease leftover, from a chicken fry.

BLIND TO WHAT LIES AHEAD

The fog was so thick, it blinded my eyes,

On the road ahead, I did not know what lies,

Well, it was a bear,

A grizzly affair,

The bear pulled me from the wreck, ate me, so I dies.

WHAT'S IN THE STEW TOO

Me thinks my stew meat was foreign born,
From overhead flypaper the wind doth torn,
But, the stew isn't for me,
So, I'll just leave it be,
And, say the stew meat is really burnt corn.

CHICKEN EATER, OBSESSED

I eat chicken for every meal,

And to and from work; behind the wheel,

I like chicken for a night snacky,

Or any hunger attacky,

And corn breaded fried chicken, has sex appeal.

DEAR CAMP THREE (I'M LIP SMACKING GOOD)

I went to deer camp, and a cougar was there,

She ripped out my throat, and there was blood in the air,

I could not utter a word,

And, the last thing I heard,

Were kitty cougar smacking lips at the lair.

HENRY'S RUN

Henry ate tainted pork, then said he couldn't stay,

So he ran to the toilet which was two blocks away,

He ran into a nun,

That ended his run,

Henry now smelled of poor hygiene, so the nun made him pray.

WHY I LOST MY APPETITE FOR A CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Christmas is coming, and I didn't know where the goose was at,

Turns out it had a lover, and the lover was a bat,

Now the babies fly around, the gats and bease,

Honking, hissing, leaving me little peace,

I think for Christmas dinner, we'll eat my kid's pet big white rat.

THE LITTLE DEMON DINNER PARTY

I went and found a demon, eating his dinner out in the wood,

He was chomping on someone's arms and legs, while smacking his lips real good,

He asked me if I'd sit down and sup,

I said, "no thanks", before I threw up,

The demon replied, " more for me", as I turned back towards my neighborhood.

PETER PIG WAS TAINTED, AND PORCELAIN BOWLS GOT PAINTED

Peter Pig was ground into sample sausages, down the street at Vinny's Store,

The customers sampled Peter Pig, until Peter was no more,

The samples caused symptoms like the flu,

Vinny's customers threatened to sue,

Most had underwear accidents, before making it out the door.