VINCENT PLAYED THE SAXOPHONE

Vincent played the saxophone,
He was completely deaf to tone,
He sounded like Jazz,
But, had no pizzazz,
For pay they would throw him a bone.

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LESTER TRAINED TO PLAY THE TRUMPET

Lester was trained to play the trumpet,
He could only play slow, and couldn’t hump it,
Only fast music could please,
All the dance party sleaze,
Lester then took his trumpet to dump it.

HECTOR PLAYED THE HARPSICHORD

Hector played the harpsichord,
He did not play well and was ignored,
But, the piano-forte,
He found he could play,
He played so well he was Knighted a Lord.

ELI CONDUCTS THE BAND LIMERICK

Eli tried to conduct the band,
He couldn’t read music and soon got canned,
So he took a music course,
Learned the power of the force,
During his ovations, the audience will stand.

SALLY PLAYED THE RECORDER LIMERICK

Sally could play the recorder,
She broke hers and put one on order,
It was sent one day,
But, to Sally’s dismay,
The recorder was sent north of the border.

MYRNA PLAYED THE PIPE ORGAN LIMERICK

Myrna played the pipe organ,
She did not play it very well,
That’s why all around her home,
The neighbors all wanted to sell,

 Myrna chased all the dogs away,
And, the little kitty cats too,
Her horrible noise was just so bad,
 Away all the birdies flew,

Myrna‘s husband at last had enough,
 He stuffed full the pipes with gum,
So, Myrna took up a new instrument,
And, started beating on her drum.

JIM PLAYED THE PICCOLO

Jim tried to play the piccolo,
But, his dim mind would work so slow,
When the band was done,
Jim was on note one,
He needs to get busy and blow.

MISSY TRIED TO PLAY THE FRENCH HORN

Missy tried to play the French horn,
But the music was so forlorn,
It wasn’t just sad,
It was ugly and bad,
It’s too bad the French horn was born.

THE BASE GUITAR LIMERICK

Leroy played the base guitar,
But, the sounds he made were so bizarre,
His band gave him the boot,
Now, he’s a bitter old coot,
Playing for tips left in his mason jar.

JERRY’S BALLAD

Jerry plays the clarinet,
He plays so bad his mom's upset,
The band gave him the boot,
Took back his band suit,
Now he fishes crabs with a net.

MARY TRIED TO PLAY FRENCH HORN

Mary tried to play the French horn,
It sounded like she was eating corn,
She crunched and smacked,
Then coughed and hacked,
Her music career she should mourn.

THERE WERE TWO BAR MAIDS NAMED CHRISTINA

There were two bar maids named Christina,

When not serving drinks they played the concertina,

But, their music was so sad,

When finished playing everyone was glad,

For their intonation were like a wounded hyena,