MY CANTANKEROUS BAT

I have a cantankerous bat,
He thinks he's special but, he just ain't all that,
He gave me a chronic case of scabies,
With an acute case of rabies,
And, he pees on my good stocking hat.

MY LITTLE CHIPPY LIMERICK

My little chipmunk has become very crazed,
Since he was a little chippy, on peanuts I raised,
Now he foams at the mouth,
He caught rabies in the South,
And when he gets way to close, he gets tazed.

RABIES, RED ROIDS AND LIP BOILS

I set up a shop that sold only snake oils,

I claimed they cured rabies, red roids and, lip boils,

But, the authorities, they care,

Said, "there's no real science there,"

So, in the state prison laundry I toils.

DINNER WITH THE FLYING MONKEYS

There were three flying monkeys sent by the Wicked Witch of the West,

They were just three flying monkeys but, they were the wicked Witch's best,

They sliced me up and ate me raw,

Never thought I be ended by a monkey's paw,

They saved my liver per the Witch's request.

P.S.

Too bad for all of them, I failed my rabies test.

MY PET BAT GAVE ME RABIES

I had a giant bat,
That lived underneath my sink,
It's body was pitch black,
But, it's tongue was a bright pink,

It liked to lick my forehead,
And bite me on the nose,
And, when I laid down to sleep at night,
It would nibble on my toes,

I got use to my big bat,
It was like he was a pet,
He was not a flying rat,
But, a friend that I had met,

So, I was not very happy,
When my pet bat flew away,
I then came down with rabies and,
Wished I could make that big bat pay.