PSYCHIC THIRTY-FIVE TOES, AND THE BRAIN DEAD FIVE

My favorite foot, is the one with thirty-five toes,

It goes where I want it, like the foot already knows,

The foot with toes, maxed at five,

Acts brain dead, it's not alive,

It really slows me down, giving me scheduling woes.

THE CHRISTMAS THREE

Jessie was told to setup a Christmas tree,"

But, earwax caused Jessie to hear "Christmas Three,"

Jessie worked day and night,

To make his three look just right,

It looked so nice everyone just let it be.

IRREGARDLESS, I SAY

For Bill, "irregardless" is his favorite word,

But amongst PhD scholars it's a word never heard,

Now Bill gets a thrill,

Telling the smart ones to chill,

Saying, " irregardless is the newspeak of the nerd."

SEASONS FREEZE

When the winter cold, frostbites the frail bones,

And makes fingers ache, that tap on iPhones,

When a missed homeward ride,

Means a slow walk outside,

And one sleepless night of coughing and moans.

THE TWO WORD LANGUAGE

I don't speak good German, and my French is even worse,

When I try speaking Latin, I get called disgusting and perverse,  

But the language I speak good,

Is my local neighborhood,

There we speak just two words, that are a universal curse.