SANTA HAS A DEAR, SHUCKS

I bought him a Fedora and a beer,

But, my lovely Santa did not appear,

I buttered his toast,

I basted a roast,

But, Santa flew off with some dear.

I BLAME MY BROTHER

Those little elves have been spying for Santa Claus,

I haven't been good, so this years presents might pause,

I think it wise,

Not to apologise,

I'll blame my brother for the bad things I cause.

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WHERE DOES SANTA GET HIS TOYS?

Where does Santa get his toys?
They are made by elves for good girls and boys,
And, for boys and girls who are really bad,
They get lumps of coal then, they feel sad,

Where does Santa get his lumps of coal?
From deep shaft mines worked by a creature called troll,
And, while elves get a golden toy factory pass,
Trolls work deep in the earth like a true second-class,

Now, old Santa is a jolly old elf,
And, he promotes the ones who are just like himself,
 But, he does provide jobs for those who work underground,
In mines that are cited as unsafe and unsound,

Yet, the trolls do not live a life of quiet despair,
Instead, they plot revolution to make society fair,
Now, on Christmas morning when you get your big lump of coal,
Remember, the coal came from the toils of the second-class troll.

SPOOKY CHRISTMAS

  In the chimney hobgoblins appeared,

The Christmas tree, now looks really weird,

I got a message from Claus,

At my home, he won't pause,

Last time two reindeer disappeared.

SANTA IS CANADIAN

I went to Canada to see Santa this year,

He was in Sault Ste. Marie, training reindeer,

I asked him for a pony,

And four cheese macaroni,

And a gallon of extra rooty root beer. 

I GOT CABLE AT MR. D'S LAIR

I went to see Santa, but Santa refused to see me,

Because I was no good, I wouldn't get my HD tv,

But at Beelzebub's lair,

The big horned devil was there,

I got my HD tv and all the cable was free.

THE CHRISTMAS UNICORN BULLY

Mark the unicorn was a menace to the sleigh,

He'd stick his horn through the sides and poke the elves everyday,

Mark poked Santa too,

Which made Santa boohoo,

The sleigh crew wanted the unicorn to just go away.

ALL I WANT

I had a hot toasted pastry for my meal,

It burnt my lips and made them peel,

I saw Santa today,

My burnt lips could not say,

All I want is a glockenspiel.

FEE-FI-FO-FOOP, I SMELL PORCH PIRATE SOUP

There was a little porch pirate who lived in the bushes near my stoop,

I knew he was living there, because I could smell his soup,

Every single day,

He'd steal my packages away,

Even my lawn mower, and my retro hula hoop.

YOU CAN ALWAYS BE A GARDEN GNOME, IF YOU NEED A JOB

I was told I was a really bad, bad bad, boy,

That's why on Christmas I did 't get one darn toy,

So I ran away from home,

Became a garden gnome,

Now scarring away little bunnies gives me joy, joy, joy!

SANTA'S DATE WITH A DRAGON

Santa has a broke red wagon,

So on Christmas Eve he'll ride a dragon,

And without fail,

This dragon tale,

Will keep Santa non-stop bragging. 

HOLIDAY SACRIFICE FOR NAUGHT

We have another holiday,

On presents I will spend my pay,

I'll catch a meal another day,

I sacrifice to hear someone say,

"I need the receipt, to return straight away."