THE MARSHMALLOW ELVES

Two marshmallows froze while polishing Santa's sleigh,

Santa warned them not to do it, but the marshmallows did it anyway,

To warm the marshmallows up quick,

Santa stuck them on a stick,

And, Santa had s'mores to snack on that day.

A VENISON DINNER FOR CHRISTMAS

Mrs. Claus debated what she'd have for dinner on Christmas Day,
Then, she saw all those reindeer hitched behind her husband's sleigh,
So, she cooked up venison roasts,
For all those elves she had to host,
And, Santa hoped his packages would arrive by USPS by Christmas Day.

THE SQUATTING THIEF

I heard giggles and I knew it weren't me,

It was the top cupboard; I climbed up there to see,

To my despair,

There was an elf living there,

Eating my chips and slurping my tea.

PEANUT BUTTER BREATH AND JELLY

I need jelly in my belly when the snow comes tumbling down,

I need jelly in my belly when the snow covers the ground,

I need peanut butter too,

And some bread with gluten goo, 

I'll watch telly with peanut breath so smelly, I will make elf fairies frown.

THE YEAR OF THE SNAKE LIMERICKS

PHIL FEARS THE CRITTER OF THE YEAR

Phil fears the year of the snake,
Those critters make him shake and quake,
Bring back the year of the rat,
Phil swings a mean baseball bat,
But, he's not so good with a rake.

　

WHY DO SNAKES HAVE THEIR OWN YEAR?

Why do snakes get a year to themselves?
Gnomes don't and neither do elves,
And, a whole can of Deet,
Won't keep snakes off my feet,
Or, from sleeping on my vanity shelves.

　

WAYLAND THE ELF KING IN DETROIT

Wayland the Smith was the king of all elves,
He worked in Detroit making pistons and valves,
He got tired one day,
From his hard work at low pay,
So, he led his ilk to make cars for themselves.