GETTING REAL AND THE FLAGPOLE

My old burn barrel got way out of control,

Burning the woods down was never my real goal,

And Bigfoot got real mad,

And he made me real sad,

When he tied me to the top of the flagpole. 

TEARS FROM THE TREES

I went to the old oak forest, with my big chainsaw in hand,

I was there to attack trees, because I don't like where they stand,

The trees all started crying,

Afraid they'd soon start dying,

I cut the trees down, and made firewood, that was what I planed.  

BERNIE THE BEAVER, TOOTHED TREES FOR THE KING

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees,

Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and the breeze,

Bernie checked wind speed and direction,

Studied soil types, for perfection,

Bernie felled his tress spot on, tight, and the king beaver, Bernie did please.

SMOKING WILL MAKE YOUR NEIGHBORS, FLY AND RUN AWAY

I was on the screaming fire truck, as it left the big firehouse,

We headed out onto the hot burning plains, where lived, and dwelt the grouse,

The grouse were all in retreat,

Some were flying, some on their feet,

They claimed the fire was started, by a cigarette, addicted mouse.

TRINA IS RAT DANCING FOR YOUTUBE CLICKS

Trina likes to Rat Dance where it's a dark and dismal, rural,

Sometimes with a dancing mink, and sometimes a dancing squirrel,

When Trina gets home,

Her mouth fills with foam,

When bit by her dancing friends, Trina gets sick, and has to hurl. 

BEAVER HICKORY

There was a busy beaver that chewed on my hickory,

He chewed right through the hard, hardwood, then downward fell my  tree,

It fell upon my crops,

Damaged my turnip tops,

*The beaver cut my big tree up, then hauled it out to sea.

*Version 2

The tree is too heavy to move...it rots out in the leigh. 

THE SQUIRREL TALE

Jeb and Joey were two squirrels, who lived way up in a tree,

They were very happy sharing their nuts, while watching tv,

But something went real foul,

When along came the owl,

And chewed Joey chunks, fed the owl little babies, during tea.

EYE HOLE DIGGERS

Some ticks fell down from the heavenly, blue sky,

They fell from the dead willow tree; oh dear, my,

I ran to my hotrod,

But, no use was my bod,

I was blind, because they dug holes in each eye.

52424

THE BEAR AND THE MAYONNAISE

My mayonnaise had an odor, so I set it outside my backdoor,

A grizzly bear ate the whole jar, he died, with a whimper, and no roar,

My mayonnaise did the bear no good,

Poor big critter, from my neighborhood,

I took the empty jar into town, to get money back from the store.

41224

WOLVES OF THE DRUID

There are these big, vicious wolves called alpha-males,

When I feed them people, the wolves wag their tails,

I'm a druid in the woods,

I feed wolves Red Ridding Hoods,

After dinner they sing in their howls and wails. 

SNOW WOLF

The bad wolf was so white, he blended in with the snow,

He crept up behind me, everywhere that I'd go,

As I fell to my knees,

I felt the most cold breeze,

The wolf's ripping and tearing was forever, so slow.

BEAR TRAP

They may smile, and seem quick to please,

Those bears skulking out beyond the trees,

They want a nice warm meal,

Walking meat has appeal,

When it comes to them with willing ease.

A BIG CAT BOUNCE

A great big snow tiger, chased frightened Santa in his sleigh,

The reindeer team had been drinking, and could not fly away,

When the big snow tiger pounced,

Off Santa's belly he bounced,

Into a train and Santa sang "Na, Na,Na, Na, Hey, Hey...".

THE BEAR AND THE DINOSAUR EGG

I went into the deep, dark woods, and found a big dinosaur leg,

It was attached to a dinosaur, sitting on top of an egg,

The dinosaur was not hairy,

So, it was not very scary,

If it had been a hairy bear, then for my life I'd have to beg.

MY BREATH SMELLS LIKE MINTY MUNG BEANS

Canadian smoke fills my mouth and lungs,

It's tastes unpleasant, when trading tongues,

Each Canadian smoke shower,

Makes Honey taste bitter-sour,

I try to improve my breath, by chewing mint and mungs.

CROAK GOES THE WEASEL

I wish up in Canada, they'd stop the smoking,

So that people in Michigan, could stop choking,

It just ain't at all fair,

There's smoke clouds everywhere,

I saw a weasel gasp for air, I think he was croaking

THE CURSE OF THE TOADSTOOL

My foot stepped upon a toadstool, now I feel like a toad,

I have this inclination, to sun myself out in the road,

First I'll eat a couple bugs,

I'll juice them out with tongue hugs,

I'm trying to walk upright, but my legs are just too bowed.

IN THE FOREST OF THE BEARS

I wanted candy cigarettes but could find none, anywheres,

Then I heard tell those cigs were kept by two old woodsy bears,

At their cabin in the deep woods,

I found my candy cigarette goods,

They invited me for dinner and we ate piggies cooked real rares.

BUG BITE TOURS

I'm a Michigan tourist guide, taking people to find swampy bugs,

It's a fab, fab tour, but you must bring lunch and a couple of jugs,

One jug for bugs; they're dear,

The other for warm beer,

And never wear false hair, for little crits like to dine under rugs.

THE FOREST MONKEY FOX

There was a giant monkey fox sitting in the woods,

He was chewing on the bones of some Red Ridding Hoods,

And, boy those bones were good,

Best parts of any Red Ridding Hood,

But, Red Ridding eyeballs taste great in milk chocolate puds.