UNCLE LEE: LOCKED IN FOR POOL

You always knew when Uncle Lee was locked in for pool,

Because he'd purse his pretty lips, and let slip some drool,

Then a victim you would be,

If you took on Uncle Lee,

He'd finish by sinking your balls, and take you to school.

JERRY THE BOUNCER

Jerry had some weird, but mostly mundane work nights,

Jerry was a bar bouncer, and he bounced all fights,

He threw out the punks,

Called cabs for the drunks,

At last, He locked the place down, and turned out the lights.

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THE POLAR BEAR AND THE MAMA DEER

There once was this polar bear, his name was Moe,

He had a hunger for every little doe,

Moe would watch them and drool,

An obsessed dumb bear fool,

Moe never caught one, because old Moe was slow.

I'M ONLY ONE FINGERED IN TWO FINGERED BARS

I wanted just two fingers of whisky, but the frostbite took four,

I gave the bar keep the one finger, and he threw me out the door,

I laid in the snow bank,

Got taken to the drunk tank,

I know I only got the one finger, and I wish I had more.

BALLAD OF THE WINTER WONDER BAND

They were called the Winter Wonder Band,

They Played polka across all the land,

People who danced,

Were soul enhanced,

Gorging on cabbage and trout that they canned.

HUSBANDS AND BOYFRIENDS, AND THE BIG ALPHA MALE

Ron was proud to be a big alpha male,

At nightclubs, he would really set sail,

Ron hit on ladies all night,

Got into fight after fight,

And spent the next 90 days in a jail.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY?

Some weekends I lose my Saturday, like it's zero seconds long,

Sometimes I go out Friday night, and things just go real wrong,

It starts off with the dancing,

Jerky movements, and some prancing,

Then I wakeup Sunday morning, as the church bell go ding dong.

IT WAS BITTER TWEET

It was a very bitter tweet,

That I received for my deceit,

I told grandma, I had soar feet,

So I couldn't stop by, for sup to eat,

My rat sister exposed, I went clubbing for meat.