I WAS A CESSPOOL DIVER; NOT AN OLYMPIC SPORT

I went diving in a nasty cesspool, desperate to come clean,

It made my face all pucker up, so I used mamas Maybelline,

The cess got in my beautiful hair,

That's why my hair is no longer there,

I'll not enter a cesspool again, except in a submarine.

THE PRETTY LILAC SMELL

All the pretty lilacs bloomed a nice smell,

They prettied up my small garden, as well,

Cooked them into perfume,

To spray in my bathroom,

I had backed-up plumbing, now you can't tell.