EGGS: NOT FOR DINNER

I bought a dozen large, chicken eggs,

Inside, I found beaks, eyes, guts and legs,

Near as I could tell,

These eggs were not well,

The store won't take them back, though I begs.

SNOWBOUND: SQUIRRELS, SOCKS AND NUTS

It's pretty near freezing, and my socks were stolen from me,

They were stolen by squirrels, to haul their nuts up their tree,

As winter cold hits the fan,

Each squirrel and each man,

Know they'd best stock up on food, before the coming white sea.

HUMANS TAUGHT THE SQUIRRELS A BAD HABBIT

Serious squirrels love their found, big cigarette butts,

Squirrels store found butts away, as if they were nuts,

In winter it snows and blows,

Nicotine bests such bad woes,

Squirrels learned this from the humans; they live in huts.

SEEDS, WEEDS AND MEADES: FRANK'S STORY

Early in the morning, Frank did the dirtiest deed,

He went to the mall for his daily weed and some seed,

The shop was not there,

Closed by Smokey The Bear,

Frank went  next door to tbe brewpub, and drank 6 pints of meade.

MY SNOWBLOWER WAS NOT "SATISFACTION GUARANTEED".

I bought me a snowblower and it did not work,

I tried taking it back, and it was refused by a clerk,

I demanded to talk to the one in charge,

There is always one of them at large,

That one banned me from the store, and called me a jerk.

I CAUGHT THE ITCH AT THE GROCERY STORE

I searched for a great bargain price,

On cereal that was a poofed kind of rice,

I found nothing cheap,

So I stormed home in my jeep,

Scratching my hairs that incubated head lice.

MY LAST STOP, THE HOBBY SHOP (I shopped till I was dropped dead)

I have a hobby,

So I went to a Lobby,

The store clerks were snobby

At the checkout, I got robby,

I became very sobby,

They called in a bobby,

He cracked me on the knobby,

Then said that was his jobby,

 Cause he served the Lobby, 

And out oozed my brains.

THE FINANCES OF A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON

There was a dragon named Bill,

He worked at the card shop by the mill,

And, when his own funds got depleted,

Bill often repeated,

A five finger discount from the till.

THE ROTTEN FIGS LIMERICK

The figs I ate were rotten,
That's why they were cheaply gotten,
So, when at a store,
Don't buy like you're poor,
Or, on the floor you will be vomit blot'en.