I MET HER IN MANCELONA: COUGAR EYES AND BAD BREATH

I went to Mancelona just to see where it is at,

The only thing I found there was a female, cougar cat,

The cougar decided to eat,

I had blubber, but not much meat,

I think amongst cougar cats, eating tourists is so, brat.

THE ELEVATOR LIMERICK: GOING DOWN

John's elevator went down so very fast,
When it hit ground floor he lost his meal last,
All the potatoes and gravy,
Ended up on poor Davy,
And, Susie enjoyed a steak from John's past.

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CHRISTMAS WAS MY NO PIE CRY DAY

For Christmas dinner, I forgot to bake pie,

I was confronted by my guests, who asked why?

I was so full of despair,

I pulled out my hair,

And, locked myself in my bedroom to cry.❄😭

A FOGGY CHRISTMAS DAY + HAM

It was a very foggy Christmas Day,

I let the dog out in the snow to play,

He made a snowman,

Peed on my new van,

My ham turned out delicious, most say.🍖🐖

CHICKEN FEET ARE BARELY BETTER THAN CHICKEN FINGERS

I had some chicken fingers but, I should have had chicken feet,

Then, when that bear came along he would not have had me to eat,

My feet were defiant like a crows,

My feet stood firm to oppose, 

So, like chicken fingers I became just another meat.

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING, FROM ALL OF US TO ALL OF YOU🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃

Pa was supposed to cut the turkey, but he cut something else instead,

It smelled like the skunk out in the road, that laid there 3 days dead,

Ma sprayed air conditioner all around,

It got in the food, and made us frown,

Pa finally cut the turkey, and got his family fed.

WOULD YOU LIKE A SPIT OF TURKEY

We have a chew and spit contest, on each Turkey Day,

We chew up our turkey, then spit it away,

We spit it at grandma, we spit it at pa,

We spit it at the twins, Ziggy and Spa,

The winner gets stuffing and gravy, hurrah!

CHICKPEA CHICKEN OF THE SEA SALTS

I got me an old hen, but I ain't got no corn,

So my Cornish hen, I cannot fully adorn,

I got some chickpeas,

And some salt from the seas,

For my chickpea hen, I'll start the oven mid-morn.

I GOT HONKED BY MY CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Fast and loose, the Christmas goose chased me across the yard,

Fast and loose, I was chased by that goose, while I wore just a thin leotard,

The goose caught me at last,

I got goose-honked for my past,

When I cheated the goose with a fixed playing card.