I GAVE MY GOLDFISH FOOD LIMERICK

I gave my goldfish a dash of fish food,
But, I didn't measure it, so guess what dude?
Although my goldfish is fed,
He is all puffy and dead,
And a toilet funeral seems awfully rude.

THERE WAS A GOLDFISH NAMED DREW

There was a nice goldfish named Drew,
But, instead of gold he was blue,
Blue made him feel sad,
But, he shouldn't feel bad,
A blue goldfish was just something new.

MY GOLDFISH IS A GOOD PET, NOT!

My goldfish is a nincompoop because poop is all he does,

Except he'll swim to the top of his bowel to eat a piece of fuzz,

I wish for a better pet than he,

For he does not comfort me,

He has no fluffy fur, he cannot pur or, love me just because.

I

THE BOYSENBERRY GOLDFISH MURDER

A murder occurred in my little frog pond,

Where my goldfish met the great beyond,

I think my goldfish received a poison,

When he was fed the berry boysen,

By my neighbor who was not fond. 

WHEN MY REMOTE CONTROL DIED

I happened to drop my remote control,
It sank to the bottom of my goldfish's bowl,
My remote control died,
My goldfish was fried,
After the service I buried them both in a hole.

I ONCE BECAME SO PARANOID

I once became so paranoid,
That I stopped eating glue,
Because I thought it might contain,
A horse or two I knew,

I once became so paranoid,
I thought my goldfish might attack,
I was so afraid I wouldn't clean his jar,
And, found him lying on his back,    

I once became so paranoid,
I thought the sun would rise no more,
So, I bought ten thousand light bulbs,
And, cleaned out the light bulb store.

I WON'T UPSET THE PET BY WHAT I EAT

For my little goldfishy's sake,

I forgo eating all tuna stake,

He's comforted to see,

No fish ate by me,

He can't see the salmon in my bake.

DONNY THE GOLDFISH SWIMS IN THE SEA

I had a goldfish named Donny T.

He was as belligerent as he could be,

So, I replaced Donny with Joe,

And, where did Donny go?

He swims in the toilet in the dark yellow sea.

ARNIE THE GOLDFISH AND HIS GUARDIAN ANGEL

Arnie the goldfish was sitting in jail,
He was arrested for exposing his tail,
Benny the fisherman liked Arnie a bunch,
He decided to have Arnie the goldfish for lunch,
Benny the fisherman put up Arnie's bail.

HOW TO ATTRACT A SEAGULL WHILE SKIING

I took my goldfish water skiing,

He enjoyed oohing and also, weeing,

He was of course heard,

By a big seagull bird,

So much for his well-being.