WARNING: DON'T TOUCH A DOWN ELECTRICAL WIRE WITH A RAKE

I rolled up my very long sleeves,

When I went out to rake some leaves,

Raked up under a pine,

A down electric line,

At my funeral, the wife grieves.  

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

My neighbors were setting off holiday crackers,

The crackers sounded like cannon blast attackers,

One hit my shingled, tar roof,

Caused a fire that went poof,

I'm short a house, and eat donated cheese snackers. 

MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT

My wonderful, gentle, tender foot,

Worked long shifts on chimneys, clearing soot,

On the roof one day,

He slid fast away,

He now feeds a flower at the root.

41024

NEVER USE YOUR HANDS TO LAUNCH ROCKETS,: A PARABLE OF SORTS

I use to have fingers, until one 4th Of July,🖖

From my fists I'd launch rockets, then watched them blowup and die,🌋

I got celebration crazy,🍺💃

Then my fingers got lazy,🙌🚑

It's been over 80 years, still I cry.😭

WARNING: BE CAREFUL WHEN HANDLING FIRE AND EXPLOSIVES!!! BEST NOT TO DO IT AT ALL 👍

DEAR CAMP.TWO (Nature Does That Reckoning Thing)

I went to dear camp and I got a big scare,

My face was chewed off by an old grumpy bear,

I tried running,

But the bear wasn't funning,

He made me a scat pile of bones and red hair.

I NAILED TWO BOARDS TOGETHER

I nailed two boards together, but methinks those boards I should have screwed,

I did not have screws or a screwdriver, so I hammered and nailed, so crude,

Now the weather is getting bad,

My boards are loosening, so sad,

Soon my shack will blow away, and to the weather gods, I'll be nude.

MY GOOD NEIGHBOR, SHOOT AND LOOT

My neighbors name is shootie,

He said shooting me was his duty,

He aimed for my head,

And shot me real dead,

So my home he is free to go lootie.

PETS NOT AND SNOT

The ground was all frosty, and Benny's nose filled with snot,

It was a day dear Benny, wished he had forgot,

For a big tired truck,

Hit Benny's pet duck,

For pets, Benny was now a have not.

SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR

Donny thought he was smarter than the average bear,

He broke into cabins and did not care,

Then, he found a loaded gun

Played with it just for fun,

Now, Donny is no longer here nor there.