THE WINEMAKER BRAGS AND PUCKERS

My homemade wine was doing fine, until the little flies came calling,

The little flies contaminated my wine, and then I couldn't stop bawling,

The little flies had put me in a real bad place,

Their vinegar wine gave me a pucker-face,

My friends want a glass of my bragged up wine, and I just keep on stalling.

THE BENCH PAINTS MY TRENCH

Pardon my stench,

But I sat on a bench,

Unlike my home stoop,

It was covered in poop,

The poop stuck to the back of my trench.