MISTY MAYLOX CLUBED AND DANCED

Misty Maylox made herself look very pretty,

She was going clubbing in the downtown city,

After drinking champagne and wine,

Misty danced really fine,

She staggered home singing a drinking late ditty. 

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DENNY DYED HIS SHEETS

Denny was always buying real white sheets, brand new,

When hung on the clothesline, they had a yellow hue,

The one thing he held dear,

Was his 12 pints of beer,

Denny had problems, but what could poor Denny do?

WHEN PETER DID PINE FOR WINE

Mr. Peter got angry, alcoholic piney,

When the bar cut him off from his red winey,

So, he went home to his loft,

Put on music, real soft

Then guzzled wine from his two-quart, beer steiny.

GRANDMA WANTED THE BOTTLE, NOT TWO FINGERS

Grandma was upset to see an apple worm in her apple juice,

I two fingered out the worm so grandma would drink, that I deduce,

I was out of luck this day,

My dirty fingers, that's all I'll say,

Grandma switched to apple brandy, and became a silly, giddy, goose.

WEE LITTLE BENNY DONE TEA

Benny wanted a much better tea,

One that gave him great joy and much glee,

Benny found a great taster,

Now he's not a tea waster,

But he spends all his time going wee.

FOUR LITTLE QUARTERS: MY SAVINGS AND CRAVINGS

Four little quarters I dropped into my coin bank,
They jingled and rattled while to the bottom they sank,
They were my life's savings,
I spent the rest on my cravings,
I always ate out, went to sports bars and drank.

HOLIDAY SHOPPING

Mom went to the market for holiday sauce,

I rode along because she was the boss,

Mom picked out some wine,

And very thin twine,

For after each meal mom would floss.

WHEN I BOUGHT THE WHOLE BAR A ROUND LIMERICK

When I figured my finances were solid and sound,
I decided to buy the whole bar a round,
But I came up real short,
And, the bar keep no sport,
I still remember how hard he could pound.

NERO DRANK TO CAPACITY

Nero drank soda pop all week long,

He would not stop, did not know it was wrong,

But, then late at night,

His bed felt not quite right,

And, his wife wrote him a bed pee pee song.

WHERE LAY THE BONES

Snow is coming, this I fear,

My right eye pees a single tear,

I have not stored enough ginger beer,

Nor, have I scored my needs in deer,

Methinks by spring my bones lay here.