THE BALLAD OF DARREN AND KARREN MAILBOXES

There was a big mailbox named Darren,
A box down the street was named Karen,
Without a push or a shove,
They could never find love,
So, their hearts would always be barren.

Darren was a mailbox,
He loved Karen down the street,
Although their hearts were locked in love,
Their posts were in concrete.

BACON, TOAST EGGS GOOD: CEREAL, NOT SO MUCH HAIKU

High priced cereal,
Nice box: tastes like sticks and leaves,
Trash can smells better.

Sugar, Cereal,
Yuck! Tastes like very dry grass,
Eggs, toast, bacon, good.

THE BALLAD OF DAN DE VILLE

There was a grasshopper named Dan De Ville,
He would hop from hill to hill,
He gave all the girls quite the thrill,
When he'd preen himself on a window sill,

Dan De Ville was quite vain,
To the point he was insane,
He jumped in front of a train,
They say he never felt a pain.

THE BALLAD OF BUGSY LEE

Bugsy Lee liked to drive too fast,
His car slid off the road,
He hit a tree and skinned his knee,
And, scared away a toad.

Bugsy got a real big fine,
He ended up in court,
His big fine he could not pay,
He owed too much child support.

When Bugsy Lee ended up in jail,
He realized he couldn't win,
He spent his life as he willed,
So, all he did was sin.

In jail Bugsy met a guy named Stan,
He was Bugsy's only friend,
They talked a lot about their past,
Bugsy got it in the end.

THIS LITTLE PIGGY

This little piggy went to sleep,
His girlfriend dumped him and called him a creep,
A second little piggy went all the way home,
His wife gave him an ultimatum and said he couldn't roam,

The third little piggy stayed out all night,
Drinking and carousing and doing what is not right,
The piggy befriended a wolf and they became really tight,
The third little piggy vanished right out of sight,

If you are a little piggy you had best behave,
Or a wolf's stomach will become your nasty grave,
Don't be a creep, a drunk or hang out at the bar,
Stay home with your loved ones and you'll be their bright star.

PETER WEETER THE TWEETER

Peter Weeter was a Tweeter,
Tweeting he did very well,
Peter Weeter was no eater,
His bones bulged out, so you could tell,

Peter Weeter would not stop tweeting,
He’d rather starve to skin and bone,
Then Peter Weeter’s heart stopped beating,
But, no tweets in heaven, only a phone.

BOBBY THE WOLF

Bobby the wolf has one good eye,
No one knows because he is sly,
He stays leader of the pack,
But, when the bears attack,
He doesn't see them, so all wolves die.


,

MISS SHORT LOVED HER RHUBARB PIE

Miss Short made great rhubarb pie,
She ate it in her den,
She’d share it with anyone,
A neighbor, a stranger or, kin,

Miss Long made a rhubarb pie,
She could not give it away,
She didn’t cook the rhubarb down enough,
It was runny like soup most say,

Miss Short would not share her secrets,
Miss Short’s pie was always the top,
Miss Long tried to make more pies,
But, they all turned out to be just slop.

THE WOOD STOVE FAILURE

When you’re living in a trailer,
You can have a wood stove failure,
Cramming in wood just more and more,
Til fire rolls out on the floor,
Then, you’re running out the door,
And, your trailer is no more.

TURKEY DAY: CARVING AND EATING WHAT'S YUMMY

Turkey Day carving,
Manna peels, soft, sweet, flesh, yum,
Heavens tasty meat.