CHOOSE WRONG AND EAT THE DOG

Because, we all love to die young, and starve,

That's the reason we all voted for Marv,

For our supper, we will carve,

The torso, we once called Harv,

Harv is the dog, my brother's called Garv. 

(In America, we don't eat people, except on days that end with "y".

WHEN IT COMES TO SEPTIC TANKS, I'M THE LAW

I signed up to run for politics, but the voters did not like me much,

They said my ideas were crazy, and with working folk, I was out of touch,

I still won the big election,

To do septic tank inspection,

I was the only candidate for Septic Inspector, a lawman, as such.