2012 WILL SOON BE REVEALED

Soon 2012 will be revealed,
Then, we will know if our fate is sealed,
Should we have fun?
Or, should we run?
Or, will our infirmities be healed.

MY PRESENT FROM SANTA WEIGHED FIFTY POUNDS LIMERICK

My present from Santa weighed nearly fifty pounds,

I figured it was a TV with audio that surrounds,

I opened my present fast to reach my goal,

But, it was just a huge lump of coal,

I guess my naughtiness has been way out of bounds.

 

I WENT TO SELL MY STOCKS ON CHRISTMAS DAY

I went to sell my stocks on Christmas Day,
For I needed to buy presents and no way to pay,
But, Wall Street was closed,
I was totally hosed,
I’d better skip town right away.

MY MOM HAD A PORCELAIN PIG

My mom had a porcelain pig,
I knocked it on the floor,
When it flew into a million pieces,
Mom through me out the door,

 I then wandered without a home,
My finances were broke,
 I tried to live at the Astrodome,
 The police sent me to the poke,

 I finally found a place to stay,
I was meant all along for jail,
Everyone finds their place someday,
If they cannot raise the bail. ,

I NEED SANTA TO TAKE ME DOWN SOUTH

I'm sitting in the house during a winter storm,
My heats been shut off so I'm not keeping warm,
Oh, Santa bring your sleigh,
And take me far away,
Take me far south where the temperatures are norm.

WHAT LOVING MONEY GOT JILL

Jill loved money so,
Sold stock in a bogus firm,
Owns an island now.

OH TURKEY DAY

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
I think we have a problem,
Though Halloween is far away,
My turkey is haunted by a goblin,

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
My turkey would not get done,
No matter what the instructions say,
My turkey jumped up for a run,

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
I guess you shouldn’t cook a live bird,
No matter if fresh turkey is the fad of the day,
The turkey just might have the last word.

SARAH THE LEPRECHAUN

I knew a leprechaun named Sarah,
She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara,
Oatmeal cookies she sold,
Made a big pot of gold,
So, she bought a diamond tiara.

JAKE THE LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

I knew a leprechaun named Jake,
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.

JANE THE LEPRECHAUN

There was a leprechaun named Jane,
She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain,
She sold sports cars,
Saved gold in quart jars,
And, made rainbows after each rain.

A COLD FULL MOON IN NOVEMBER

A cold full moon in November,
Much colder than October,September,
Put the camp stuff away,
Summer fun had it's day,
It's not a month to remember.

THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS HAIKU

Woman of my dreams,
Has a great job, makes money,
I stay home all day.

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME ENDS LIMERICK

Daylight savings time has ended its run,
Getting up so darn early has not been much fun,
Good riddens I say,
To saving some day,
For those that don’t work but have fun.

THE PROBLEM WITH STEVE LIMERICK

The problem with Steve is he didn't have a plan,
When he went out ice fishing way out on Lake Ann,
So, oh what a bummer,
The season was summer,
He couldn't swim a stroke so he ran.

A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SAM LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sam,
He loved his eggs, bacon and ham,
He once ate a green bean,
It gassed up his small spleen,
Then, he released the gas with a “Bam!”

THE ALIEN TRADE AGREEMENT

Crazy Benny went into deep space,
He went there to save the whole human race,
When he met an alien he said "check your shoelace",
Then Benny would spray him with his alien mace,

One day Benny met an alien with eyes all over his head,
Benny ran out of mace then his mind filled with dread,
Then the alien shook hands and said "My name is Fred,
Why do humans have such fear that you all wet to bed?"

Benny and the aliens became friends really fast,
They burried disagreements deep into the past,
Benny signed trade agreements that would clearly last,
In this new galaxy cheap labor numbers were vast,

Big business worships Benny until this very day,
He found them multi-taskers who would work for no pay.

WHEN STEVE OVER USED HIS BRAIN

Steve did not read much,
Read Driver's Ed. booklet,
Brain swelled up, bye Steve.

HURRICANE, HURRICANE GET OUT OF MY FACE

Hurricane, Hurricane get out of my face,
Or, I’ll spray in your eyes a can of bear mace,
Maybe you’d like that but, I’ll never know,
Because I have somewhere important to go,

Hurricane, Hurricane I’ve ten blocks to walk,
So, bring on your wind, hail and, general squawk,
For my wife had a baby whom I’m anxious to see,
And, no mere mortal storm comes between my family and me.

A DOG WENT OUT AND SWAM IN THE BAY

A dog went swimming far out in the bay,
He caught a fish and swam back the same day,
He flopped the fish on the shore,
The fish flopped over twice more,
Then the fish swam far out and away,

MR. CAESAR AND THE IDES

The Ides of October come at mid-month near,
Did Mr. Caesar have something to fear?
I guess that was March mid,
When goodbye Caesar bid,
When he met all his friends that were dear.

THE MAKING OF AN ANGEL LIMERICK

I was driving and watching the Northern Star,
Then three big bucks ran in front of my Saab car,
I swerved hard left to miss,
And gave an oak tree a kiss,
Now from the Northern Star I look down from afar.

Just how I earned my golden angel wings,
Is no topic of my favorite things,
I saw three big buck deer,
I hit my breaks and couldn't steer,
Now I'm in the choir where the angel sings.

SOPHIE AND SONS

Sophie and sons were all armadillos,
One day they ran out of blankets and pillows,
They had quite a scare,
But, quickly grew hair,
And nested in the leaves of the willows.

THE TRAVELS OF LEIGH COLLIN BRANDT

I went to Russia to visit the Louvre,
But, I guess to Paris it made a sudden move,
I went to Spain to see the Pyramids of old,
But, I guess to Egypt they had been  recently sold,

I went to Ireland to watch the Mets play,
But, the Mets moved to New York the local Irish did say,
I went to Amsterdam to visit the Pope,
But, he had been moved to Rome so, I felt like a dope,

Why do things change so I can’t keep them straight?
Will showing up at past events and times be my fate?
But, I live with a passion, and even a hope,
That at the end of my travels I’ll find scented soap.

HOW TO HURT YOUR FAMILY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA LIMERICK

There was a man, who was so vehemently bitter,
He attacked all in family over the media called twitter,
He made fun of  his cousin the monk,
Said his car-dealer uncle sold junk,
He even said his sister was a poor baby sitter.

DAISY HAD AN EVIL ID LIMERICK

Daisy had an evil Id,
It came out when she was a kid,
She spread evil rumors,
About Mary's bloomers,
And, everything that Mary did.

MANISTEE LAKE TIME

I went fishing on Manistee Lake,
But a leaking old boat I did take,
I got really wet,
And really upset,
Then went swimming home; for goodness sake.


I went fishing out on the ice,
The cold wind did'nt feel very nice,
I started to freeze,
I couldn't feel my knees,
And my sweater was loaded with lice.

EARTHQUAKE SHAKES THE EAST AND ME LIMERICK

I just felt just a little bit of a shake,
The TV said it was an earthquake,
It was along the East Coast,
But, I don’t want to boast,
I’m in Michigan, that’s a ways off goodness sake.

AMUMINUM FOIL FOR BRAINS

Bert wore a hat of aluminum foil,
So government transmissions he’d spoil,
But, his hat sealed his fate,
From an off world state,
The aliens cooked his brains on broil.

JORDAN MADE RHUBARB WINE

Jordan once made some homemade rhubarb wine,
He thought he'd have good stuff upon which to dine,
But, when he guzzled his first glass,
He ballooned up with such gas,
He spent a day in the bathroom to opine.

Everyone had an opinion,
About Jordan's homemade rhubarb wine,
They expressed it in the bathroom,
With body language they did opine.

THERE WAS A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SUE LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sue,
Her hair was red, her eyes were blue,
A man from the city,
Thought she was real pretty,
So, he married her and moved to the Peru.

DRINKING BAD WHISKEY HAIKU

Drinking bad whiskey,
Stomach curls, dry heaves, pain,
Morning after milk.

ZOMBIE OCEANS

We are all just part of the zombie oceans,
We swim against riptides just to get our promotions,
But, when our own dark day ends,
Just a few claim the wins,
The rest of us live the regret with remorseful emotions.

MY SKINNY GIRLFRIEND HAIKU

Skinny girlfriend,
Does not eat very much food,
Has a model job.

P.S. Lucky me!!!!!!!

STEVEN HAD AN EVIL ID

Steven had an very evil Id,
He picked on his little brother Sid,
When Sid went to tell,
Steven gave off a yell,
And blamed Sid for what Steven did.

LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Pete,
Corned beef and cabbage was all he’d eat,
He was full of green gas,
And, could not get a lass,
He made music all night tweet, tweet, tweet.

PENELOPE PIE LIMERICK

Penelope Pie was a racing horse,
She ran real fast down every course,
But, Kentucky is sloppy,
This made her legs floppy,
She finished last with no remorse.

LAKE MICHIGAN SHARKS HAIKU

Lake Michigan Sharks,
Man-eaters by the millions,
Fear the blue waters.

AT THE OFFICE THERE WAS NO COFFEE TO DRINK LIMERICK

At the office one morning there was no coffee to drink,
So, I brewed up some water and poured in some black ink,
Everyone went home early really sick,
As they left hey called me a hick,
I was fired and spent 90 days in the Klink.

DEATH OF A CAR

Dead tree stands by car,
Wind pushes tree over,
Crash, my car is destroyed

MY POLISHED PETOSKEY STONES

I polished Petoskey stones all day,
I tried to sell them on the Ebay,
I did not get one bid,
My stones should be hid,
I guess they are wothless I would say.

IDES OF JULY LIMERICK

Many, many will want to cry,
Because today is the ides of July,
Summer’s half gone,
And, late comes the dawn,
It’s sad how summer will fly.

TRAVERSE CITY HAIKU

Fun, Traverse city,
Summer boats, Winter skies, laugh,
Playground, never ends.

GIRLFRIEND WITH JOB DRINKS BEER

Girlfriend drinks beer,
“Expensive habit”, I said,
Big mouth, she has job.

TIME FROM A BOTTLE HAIKU

Time from a bottle,
Gallon red wine, smooth, laughs, tears,
Meal, down a toilet.

NIPPLES, NAZALS AND, POLENS LIMERICK

The nipples on my nasal are in block,
I can't smell a thing so how can I rock?
My achy head,
Fed by pollen it's said,
They make me sick till I have a cardiac shock.

TRAVERSE CITY POEM BY LCB

I live in Michigan in Traverse City,
It is a nice place but, it is itty bitty,
The bay looks real nice,
The blue waters entice,
The girls swimming are extremely pretty

BERT AND THE PAIL ALE TAIL

Bert liked to keep his ale in a pail,
He bought 40oz bottles when they were on sale,
He'd drink beer like punch,
For breakfast and lunch,
By dinner he'd sing and regale.

I WENT UP NORTH TO CELEBRATE THE 4TH OF JULY

I went up North to celebrate the 4th of July,
I lay out on the beach and that’s where I lie,
But, the bugs are getting bad,
They bite often, it’s sad,
Now, my skin is burning, smells like a hamburger fry.

TWO LITTLE DEER SAT ON A HILL IN THE WOODS LIMERICK

Two little deer sat on a hill in the woods,
They were watching over their delicious green goods,
There were gardens of beans below,
The deer salivated to go,
Waiting for the gardeners to go back to their hoods.

Brian the bear was big and strong,
His favorite sport was ping pong,
But, no one wanted to play,
They were all scared away,
Though, Brian had done nothing wrong.

SAM THE LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sam,
He loved his eggs, bacon and ham,
He once ate a green bean,
It gassed up his small spleen,
Then, he released the gas with a “Bam!”

WATCH FOR THE MONTH CALLED 2012-12 LIMERICK

Watch out for the month called 2012-12,
For most this warning is one they will shelve,
On the 21st of December,
All will then remember,
This warning upon which nobody would delve.

IVAN THE BEAR LIMERICKS

Ivan the bear could barely see,
But, he could smell down wind of thee,
If he headed your way,
You'd better not stay,
Or, in Ivan's belly you'd be.

62011

THE IDES OF JUNE

The ides of June are on day thirteen,
An odd number that is not the average or mean,
Was it just a cheap thrill?
Or drinking wine beyond will,
That made Roman judgment obscene.

HIDDEN FORCES

There are things that go on in the night,
That makes us move to the nearest light,
We are all afraid,
Of death’s accolade,
That stalks us out of sight.

THERE WAS A BOXER NAMED DUFF

There was a boxer named Duff,
He thought he was really tough,
He took on a dare,
And fist fought a bear,
Now Duff is looking real rough.

Duff was a boxer who thought he was good,
He busted up bricks, he busted up wood,
He fought a crockadile,
They tussled for a while,
The crockadile ate what he could.

JAKE THE BAKING LEPRECHAUN

I knew a leprechaun named Jake,
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.

THERE WAS A BIG GUY NAMED LARRY-Limerick

There was a big guy named Larry,
With two noses he really looked scary,
So, he had a nose job,
Now with only one knob,
Larry might actually marry.

SOME POETS LIMERICK

Some poets  everyone knows,
Will latch onto one of their items of prose,
They treat with such care,
Each word that they share,
Their minds are just simplified woes.

THERE WAS A HOUSE IN NEW YORK QUEENS

There was a house in New York Queens,
They called the "House of Fun",
It was the ruin of many quarter rolls,
For me it ruined more than one,
I did not have a lot of quarter rolls,
But, I did have more than one,
I became addicted at playing pinball,
And, now my rolled quarters amount to none,

So mothers teach your offspring,
Not to do what I’ve just done,
For its been the ruin of many perfect quarter rolls,
And, for me I ruined more than one.