MAMA SAID THERE WOULD BE DAYS...

I went on down to the local bar to sip on some suds,

I bought the patrons at least 2 rounds, and made some new buds,

I invited the party back home,

Where they all just puked, and spilt beer foam,

Now I know why mama said, "your bar buds are mostly cruds".

THE LOG IN MY COFFEE

In my cup of coffee I spotted a log,
When I examined it closer I saw a big polliwog,
Then, he said to me,
"I don't like coffee; make tea,"
So, I tossed the ingrate to my hungry dog.