RICHIE HARD TIMES

He had a tic in his tock, 

And, a big rock in his sock,

He spent everyday, listening to Rosy Land Bach,

His debts started to swell,

He had nothing to sell,

Now, he spends every evening at the Boys Club & Dock.

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IDES ARE BORING, I'M MOVING TO GRAWN

The Ides of March have come and gone,

Old Caesar's curse has been a yawn,

Maybe next year,

The earth won't be here,

Or, maybe I'll retire to Grawn.

BAD DAY AND BOWS

I tripped over my toes,

That started off my woes,

I hit my head,

I went to bed,

For breakfast, I had macaroni bows.

BARNY THE WICCAN

Barny was a practicing wiccan,
His familiar was a farm chicken,
If you want some good luck,
Get the chicken to cluck,
If he don't cluck you'll have some slim pickin'.

THE ECLIPSE OF THE BLOODY RED MOON

I and my love were engaged, doing spoon,

When we were frightened by that bloody, red moon,

We both wet our britches,

Before we leaped into ditches,

Then the moon disappeared, none too soon.

CURSED

Everyone always tells me that life is easy as a breeze,

But I'm always living with war, petulance, famine and disease,

Maybe I have gloomy rhymes,

But I'm always living in real bad times,

Whatever evil spirit cursed me, I wish I could appease.

THE STONE CHARM OF HARM

I found in my driveway a little stone charm,

I put it around my neck, didn't think it would harm,

But, the next crazy day,

I had nothing to say,

I was missing my mouth and good arm.

THE PRICE OF VANITY (A LIMERICK)

I hung my own picture on the wall,
It fell on my wood stove and that's not all,
After my nighttime retire,
My picture caught fire,
Now, I live on a bench in the mall.

I'M GLAD MAY IS OVER

Well, I can't lament the month of May,
I'm just glad the month has gone away,
The kids both got sick,
My wife left me for some chick,
And, my boss gave me a big cut in pay.

FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH THE LIMERICK

It’s Friday the Thirteenth today,
I think that in bed I will stay,
My truck will not start,
I fell on a lawn jart,
And, I was pecked in the head by a jay.

JESSIE MADE A PAINTING

Jessie made a painting,
It was a village by the sea,
But, her bad luck was a tainting,
The village was flooded by broken lei.