BALLAD OF THE LITTLE TRUMPETIER

The little trumpetier,
Played best after drinking his beer,
And, for half a shot and a fin,
He'd back-play violin,
It's too bad he had a tin ear.

7221

WADING FOR DINNER: A FISHERMAN'S STORY

I went fishing, wading out in the dark,
I was hungry and my kitchen was stark,
I had my red worms and beer,
And, the beer gave me such cheer,
 Until, I stepped on a hammerhead shark.

THE URBAN DICTIONARY AND MY DRINKING

The urban dictionary, I dunno,

The words infest my brain, then start to grow,

I went to my old pub,

Now, labeled a hub,

They're still asking for the tab that I owe.

SPACE ALIENS ARE WECOMED IF THEY DON'T CROP-CIRCLE

I beat my swords into ploughshares  but, kept a few spears,

For fear space aliens might crop-circle my ears,

I figure my pointy sticks,

Shows the aliens were not hicks,

So, they'll leave my crops alone and buy some pizzas and beers.

GREAT BULLFROGS THE SIZE OF DEER

In a hidden pond they did appear,
Great big bullfrogs the size of deer,
One ate a bear, 
That made me scare,
Now, in the tavern I'll drink my beer.

MY DEER HUNTING RIFLE WOULD NOT SHOOT

My deer hunting rifle would not shoot,
When I pulled the trigger it went "Toot!  Toot!"
So, I guess this year,
I'll just drink beer,
And, earn my title as an old coot.

A NANTUCKET LIMERICK

Sometimes you feel you should write rhymes with Nantucket,
I thought so today and then I said "Duck It",
Who likes the East anyway?
I will visit not stay,
I'd rather be home with my beer in a bucket.

A RIB IN THE ROAST, BENNY'S READY TO POST

Before Benny writes his online post,

He has to have two eggs and toast,

A half pint of beer,

A shot of the Clear,

And, a rib in a very rare roast.

THE WHAT I DON'T KNOW LIMERICK

I don't know a pair of ducks from a paradox,

I can't tell a pair of dogs from a couple of fox,

But, one thing is clear,

If you spill one drop of my beer,

Then, I'll mess you up like I'm a bubonic pox.

NO HOPS, DRINK POPS WITH NO TOPS

This year I had a failed crop of hops,

So, now all winter I drink shots and pops,

But, it's beer that I'll crave,

Until, I go to my grave,

I so miss those beer foamy tops.

AT THE END OF THE WORLD

At the end of the world I moved into a box,

I ran out of beer so, I was forced to detox,

Detox made me ache and cry,

So, when a zombie came by,

I let it bite me to numb me with pox.

THE ICE FESTIVAL DID NOT GO WELL

The "Ice Festival" did not go well this year,
I fell through the ice and spilled a whole pint of beer,
The water was ice cold,
And, I'm just getting too old,
I'd prefer "Summerfest" 12 months of the year.

A RARE-BOURBON OR A BUCK AND A QUARTER FOR BEER

Passionate Pete Porter
Was a rare-bourbon snorter,
But, one day he tried beer,
Then, his new passion was clear,
And, each glass cost just a buck and a quarter.

A RATTLESNAKE WAS ON MY DECK

A rattlesnake was on my deck,
It was really hotter than heck,
He asked me for a beer,
I said I had none here,
He bit me now I am a wreck.

THE CHICKENS IN JEFF'S DRAWERS

Jeff found some chickens in his drawers,
They had ate his marshmallows he had saved for s'mores,
The chickens were hasty,
So, Jeff fried them up tasty,
Then, his after dinner dessert was a Coors.

A RATTLESNAKE WANTED A BEER

A rattlesnake wanted a beer,
I told him to go bite a deer,
He bit me instead,
Now I am half dead,
He drank the beer that was here.

A RAT MIXED HIS WHISKEY AND BEER

A rat mixed his whiskey and beer,
Next day he felt that death was near,
So, he admitted to his wife,
His adultrous second life,
He sobred and had something to fear.

SOMEONE MIXED TOMATO JUICE WITH THEIR BEER LIMERICK

Someone mixed tomato juice with their beer,
They had to drink it 'cause money was dear,
It tasted just fine,
A bit like red wine,
But, the vomit tasted awfully queer.

BLACK FRIDAY COMES ONLY ONCE A YEAR

Black Friday comes only once a year,
The sales are great when money is dear,
The stores slash the price,
Up to 70% which is nice,
That leaves more money for pizza and beer.