SANTA DOES NOT LIKE TO SHARE WITH ELVES

While old Santa eats roast venison, we elves are eating snow,

Santa licks on candy canes; a taste we elves will never know,

Santa is all grins and smiles,

Santa has smart PR wiles,

Old Santa is very greedy, and he causes elves great woe.

SANTA AND HIS LIFE OF CRIME

Santa has many presents to get, and Tuesday is Christmas Day,

So Santa went down to the mall, and quickly loaded up his sleigh,

This year Santa's funds are running low,

His reindeer meat sales are really slow,

At the Mall Santa got picked up by cops, because he failed to pay.

MY COOKIES ARE SO CRUMMY

I made a batch of cookies, and they turned out way too small,

Someone told me they were cookie crumbs, and weren't cookies at all,

From my eyes I shed big tears,

I had no cookies for my dears,

So I went down and bought filled doughnuts at the all night mall.

WANDA WENDT WENT SHOPPING THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS

The day before Christmas, Wanda Wendt went store Shopping,

From store to store, Wanda Wendt went whip hopping,

When Wanda uncorked red wine,

Wanda Wendt was real fine,

Then, Wanda got munchies, and went Burger King Whopping.

RABIES, RED ROIDS AND LIP BOILS

I set up a shop that sold only snake oils,

I claimed they cured rabies, red roids and, lip boils,

But, the authorities, they care,

Said, "there's no real science there,"

So, in the state prison laundry I toils.