ARBUTUS FIFE AND DRUM

Arbutus is a flower, and Arbutus is my wife,

We had our nuptials, and I guess we're married for life,

We had a couple of kids,

They grew up, left town, good rids,

We retired to play music; she plays drum; I play fife.

THE VALENTINE LAMENT OF A GHOST

I once had a beautiful valentine, one hundred years ago,

We would go outside and picnic dine, when the grass began to grow,

After years, my valentine went away,

They lie beneath the daisies, I would lay,

I am the ghost, the afterglow, missing my love, who sleeps below.

VALENTINE'S DAY + BUGS = NO SMOOCHING

Ray wanted to smooch with his girlfriend Mandy,

So, on Valentine's Day he gave his girlfriend candy,

The candy was all full of bugs,

Of course no kisses or hugs,

Instead, his ex-girlfriend is smooching with Andy.
 

I HAVE TOO MANY MEAN VALENTINES

How do you know if you have too many valentines?

When together they confront you, that's one of the signs,

And, when you have poison in your belly

From your eggs, toast and jelly,

Then, they bury you out back in the pines.