BIGFOOT'S GREETING ON TURKEY DAY

I went out hunting deer on this turkey day,

But, all I saw was Bigfoot and here's what he had to say,

"Get out of my woods,"

"Or I'll rip your goods,"

So, I turned tail and ran away, away, away.

MY SHOTGUN EXPLODED IN MY FACE

My shotgun exploded in my face,
Even though, I had duct tape in place,
And, just like last year,
The explosion scared off the deer,
Maybe, a new shotgun will draw me an ace.

MY DEER DECISION

I decided not to go out and hunt any deer,
My blind didn't have cable and just one rabbit ear,
So, at home I watched cable,
And, dined on my coffee table,
While, drinking bottles and bottles of beer.

WHY I CAN'T HUNT NO MORE

I went out hunting bear,
The bear went out hunting me,
I dropped my gun and went on the run,
But the bear beat me to my RV,

I went out hunting deer,
I shot at an enormous buck,
I missed and hit a little doe,
My fine could have bought truck,

I went out hunting turkeys,
But I did not see a one,
I accidentally shot my neighbors goose,

Then a judge said my hunting was done.

DEER, JAIL AND, MUSHROONS

I shot a deer that was too small,
But, the arresting officer, he stood tall,
Now, after six months in jail,
I'll get out my mushroom pail,
And, search for the elusive puffball.

MY DEER HUNTING RIFLE WOULD NOT SHOOT

My deer hunting rifle would not shoot,
When I pulled the trigger it went "Toot!  Toot!"
So, I guess this year,
I'll just drink beer,
And, earn my title as an old coot.

THE VENISON MAN

I have venison in my freezer, 

I have venison on my grill,

I've dried venison,

I've canned venison,

I've powdered venison and made a pill,

I eat venison for breakfast,

I eat venison for lunch,

I eat venison for supper,

And, the funny meal called a brunch,

I give venison to my friends,

I give venison to people I hate,

I give venison away at Christmas,

I serve venison on a first date,

My life revolves around venison,

I spend all day hunting deer in the woods,

At night I peruse Lord Tennyson,

Snacking on venison mixed with dry goods.

THE UNSEEN DEER LIMERICK

There was a deer that was completely unseen,
He was hiding in branches real thick and real green,
To the hunters despair,
They saw no deer there,
At deer camp the hunters drank and went mean.

I WENT DEER HUNTING WITH A SLINGSHOT LIMERICK

I went deer hunting with just a slingshot,
My luck was real good, really not,
The shot bounced off of the deer,
Got lodged in my ear,
And, there it must stay till I rot.