2×4 MAKES DREAMY WORLD FOR MY BLOG

I was nailing up a 2" ×4" when it fell and hit me on my knoggin,

 Then came dreamy world where I was ridding on my tobaggon,

My dream gravity is bent,

So, uphill my ride went,

My brain went  blank the rest of the day so, that's all I'll do for bloggon.

 

PARANOID PRESIDENT AND HIS DROID

The president of the paranoid,

Who think science is something to avoid,

The president is so annoyed,

For science is his hemmoroid,

Roid tissue removed by his V.P. droid.

BOSS, DOS AND WORKING AT A LOSS

I tolerate my workmates and my boss,

I tolerate my work tech based on MS DOS,

And, just like the other school teachers,
I tolerate the evil kid creatures,

I just wish my wages weren't a financial loss.

IF U FOLLOW A 🐴 2 WATER MAKE SURE U GET THERE 🏆

I followed a horse to water and then I took a drink,🏊

The water smelled of urine because the horse had made it stink,🐎👅

I looked both north and south,👆👇

No other water for my mouth,👄

The horse knew he had unnerved me for he gave me an eyewink.🐴

THE PROBLEM WITH STATUES

They made a statue of my cousin who was a political engineer,

He misbehaved but, got the roads paved all while drunk with beer,

Kids will now see the statue and ask,

What set my coz to stone?  What task?

Was it paved roads or, when he hit that poor mommy deer?

BANNED

My social media has all been banned,🚳

In this and every other land,🗼🗽🏝🏜

I say mean stuff too much,👹

I'm out of touch,🐨

Just another job where I've been canned.😒

THE NEW SOCIAL DISTANCE DISTANCE

So, the term"social distance" means the same as six feet,

From coach to fridge I walk a social distance just so I can eat,

Twenty social distances to get mail,

Eighteen to the garbage pail,

I think the "social distance" distance is really kind of neat.

THE PRESS, THE PEOPLE AND GOVERNMENT

Most in the press make the wrong assumption,
They think folks want government destroyed by ending it's function,
But, just listen please,
People want an end to the sleaze,
No revolution, just an end to corruption.

BUGS COME FOR MY SLAUGHTER

As the woods becomes dry bugs get thirsty mean,

And, I'm looked upon as a thirst quenching canteen,

So, bugs come for my slaughter,

To drink dry all my water,

Then, the dry meat from my bones worms will clean.

BEE BLING

I went outside to look for a lost ring,💍

Then, the bumblebees began to sting,🔥

The ring wasn't real gold,🏅

Just gold paint I was told,👻

Still, the bees fought to keep their one piece of bling.🛩

THE SINKING TOILET TELLS A TALE

When your toilet sinks through your trailers floor,🚽

When there's no money for food from a store,🏬

And, if no heat you discern,😨

Unless, the woodstove will burn,🔥

Then, by gosh you might just be poor.🏚

SCRAPE FROM THE CAPE

I had for my lunch a big plate of fresh scrape,

I found the scrape on the highway down by the cape,

I should have ate at the bar,

The scrape tasted of twigs, leaves, and, tar,

But, maybe I poisoned within me the worm they call tape.

PROGNOSIS GRIM TREE TRIMMER

I climbed up into a tree that needed a trim,

It would have been fine if I had been slim

But, so frail was the tree, 

It fell over on me,

The doc said my prognosis was grim.😳

1. 
   

FOOD, RENT, FREEZE: CAPITALIZM ON MY KNEES

The high prices for groceries is appalling,🧀🍖🍗🍅🍻🍩🍕

I need those prices to start falling,📉

From email I hear voices,📬💻📲

Demanding I make choices,🎰🎲🃏

With bills and rent I just can't keep on stalling.🚽⏳

ENCOUNTER WITH THE UNDERWARE BEAR

I caught a great big bear,🐻

Trying on my underware,👙

Usually, I would not care,🖖

But, his big bottom made a tear,〰〽〰

I'll have to buy me a new pair.🍐

I PICK THE UNIVERSE OF THE YOUNG

Another universe I found this day,

Where all are young and young they'll stay,

I've become a resident of that ageless verse,

And, I've said goodbye to the age-death curse,

I know many think it morally wrong,

They celebrate lifes end with a teary song,

They may etch our symbols on some stones,

Then, let us rot or burn our bones,

For many can't admit the obvious truth,

That being old ain't as good as having youth,

Call me crazy, call me sick,

But, eternal youth is what I pick,

THE VERY HAPPIEST CHUMS

Many people now days don't want to learn,🎓

They don't see how learning can help them to earn,💰

They're the very happiest chums,🗿🚬🚽

If they can read a bit and do sums,🔰➕

And, have wood in their woodstove to burn.🔥

THEY FOUGHT, THEIR FRIENDS AND I'M OUT

My kitty and rabbit  got into a big fight,🐈🐇

My rabbit bested kitty but the rabbit got a bite,😿

As oft these fights end,💐

They play nice friend with friend,💘

I'm the odd-out while they've become tight.😒

ME NEW PET LIVES IN THE WOODS

Such happy days I had with me dog, pet,

When she passed, thought I, another I'd get,

I could afford only a squirrel,

I called his name Earl,

He still lives in the woods where we met.

61820

WHAT THE LANDLORD SAID

The landlord said I must pay to stay,

Or, I should have to move away,

But, if I'm not mistaken,

My rent dollars were taken,

By the casino on Grand Traverse Bay.

I BATHED IN THE POOL

I broke a community rule,🙀

When I took my bath in the pool,👎

I soaped up with a sponge,🚦

Washed it off with a plunge,💦

People said I was clean but not cool.🏊

WHEN THE VIRUS INFECTS THE CAT THEN, NINE LIVES JUST AIN'T ALL THAT

There was a virus going around and I didn't care,😽

I'm a cat and have nine lives to spare,😺

Then, the virus I got,🙀

And, nine lives I had not,😿

I was cremated so, well I didn't fare.😾

WHY I WEAR AN EYE PATCH

I had no extra eyes to spare,🙈

So, I went to a doctor to fix my eye tear,👣👁

The doc sewed my eye up tight,✂〰

Asked if I'd been in a fight,🌪🌪

I said, "No, I room with a lion and bear."🦁 🐻

EATING FROASTED DOUGHNUTS LEADS TO A BIG PROBLEM IN LATE SPRING

I trusted in my frosted doughnuts to keep me very slim,🍩

But, my waist has grown much larger and, I workout at the gym,🏋

Maybe water sports will be the thing,🤽🏄

To bring my weight down yet this spring,🏊🚣

But, my chance of wearing my old swimsuit is looking very dim.😒

SNAKE, LEAVE THAT TOAD ALONE

There was a small toad in my garden of clay,🐸🍄

He was chewing on bugs as he went on his way,🐞

Then, along came a vicious snake,🐍

That I chased away with my rake,👩‍🌾👉

The toad thanked me and bid me good day.🌄

I GOT ME SOME PUDDING: HOW ABOUT YOU?

I went protesting down the street,👣🗽

I didn't go far until I got beat,🌟🌟🌟

A baton in my face,😁🚔🚓

Put me in my place,🚑🏥

Now, hospital pudding is my treat.🍚

WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY HAIRCUT AND THE NEWS

There is so much going on in the news,☣☢💉📉🔥🌪🚀🗽💀👹

What to watch is so hard to choose,📺

With no haircut I'm hairy,👦💈

Like the news I look scary,👿

But, I've got yeast and can make lots of booze.😜🍸🍷🍹🍺

MY IDENTIFY CRISIS

I don't know a widget from an app,

I don't know a folk song from a rap,

I don't know soft spoken from a yell,

How are things different? I can't tell,

The only thing I know for sure is I'd like to take a nap.

THE STONE CHARM OF HARM

I found in my driveway a little stone charm,

I put it around my neck, didn't think it would harm,

But, the next crazy day,

I had nothing to say,

I was missing my mouth and good arm.

BUNKER ME DOWN

With all the troubles in every town,

I think that I will dig on down,

I'll build a bunker,

There I'll hunker,

And, movie binge in my nightgown.

WONDROUS HUMANS

Humans are such wondrous things,

One of them paints while another one sings,

One makes love another, war,

One keeps the dart game score,

One grows food, another sells cheap rings.

BRAIN ROT REALITY

I'm not sure what are dreams or, not?

Are they what I remember or, what I forgot?

My reality is not all that clear,

I don't hold my thoughts very dear,

For I think half my brain has a rot.

GRIMM'S FAIRY TALES OF TIRES

I rue the day I knocked over that bucket of nails,

Now, when I drive my car each tire impales,

The nails spilled in my garage,

But, down my driveway they must still lodge,

Four flat tires everyday are like Grimm's Fairy Tales. 

DISTURBING PEEBLES

There were sharp pebbles on my kitchen floor,

My barefoot counted them to be four,

Oh, what severe, dire pain,

Disturbed my soft a.m. brain,

While I smacked my head into the door.

TWITTER TWIT PARTY

I wonder if there will ever be,

A bigger Twitter twit than me,

I tweet happy and I tweet woe,

I tweet on stuff when I don't know,

I want to join in the tweet party.

A COFFEE CAN SAVES BIG BUCKS AND HELPS FEED LITTLE ONES

Of me, my family was no fan, 

My ashes were put in a coffee can,

And the worms my family picked up,

Upon my ashes they'd sup,

I was made to feel less than human.

NEW LAKESIDE CONSTRUCTION

I remember playing in the sand,

On the beach next to dry land,

 I found it a thrill,

Building a castle sandhill,

While I listened to the camp, summer band.

WHY I LOVE ARTS AND CRAFTS

I now have an excuse not to house clean,

I'm doing the arts and crafting scene,

If it looks and smells rough,

It's covered with boxes and stuff,

Like fluff to cover space inbetween.

SKY-EYE SEARCHING FOR A LONE SUNRAY

I found something special had come this dawn,

My Michigan summer had come and gone,

For near halfway through the month of May,

I awoke to face a snow filled day,

So, sheltered inside I will surely stay,

Sky-eye searching for a lone sunray.

THE DESPERATE DOLLAR DAYS

There are no jobs when no one's buying,

I have no income but, I'm trying,

I pick old masks out of the trash,

I then recycle them for cash,

So far so good; I'm not yet dying.

SORRY MA, IT'S SNOWING

Oh great polar vortex that comes in May,

That shuts down beach fun and ends spring play,

The cold has had a long run,

Why can't winter be done?

Instead, we're getting a wet, heavy snow Mother's Day.

THE FLOWER MOON

The rise of the flower moon,

This moon rises none too soon,

Why waste a day,

In early May,

Without lilac scent by noon.

TOES FOR A TEE

I was bit by a poisonous bee,

I saw the doctor in the next door county,

The bee bit me on the nose,

The doc chopped off my toes,

He complained I made him late for his tee.

RECORD WINDCHILL BUT, I'LL GET TO WORK?

The windchill is record bitter but, I need my job,

So, I started driving to work like a work needy slob,

Then, three miles from work,

My car died like a jerk,

And, I was hit by a road grader named Bob.

MY STOLEN LUCK

I've really bad some awful luck,

Someone stole my hockey puck,

Someone stole my hockey stick,

And, my writing pen, brand Bic,

They even stole my red toy truck.

MULTIPLE STREAMS OF INCOME

My friend lives on a little trust,
He delivers papers because he must
And, burgers he flips,
For cigarettes and tips,
He walks because his car died of rust. 

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE STENCH

From the internet I learned that the world is flat,

And, if I dig down a few feet a new place I'll be at,

So, towards Hawaii went my hole,

I dug fast like a mole,

Found my septic and drowned in that vat.  

IT ROASTS UPON MY STICK

The carcass cracks and pops as it roasts upon my stick,

I'm not sure what I'll be eating, I found it after it was hit,

Oh, it's my lucky day,

I'm gonna eat without no pay,

After I've eaten I'll go sleep a bit.

I'LL HAVE A BIG SHINY SUN

There is nothing better than a big shinny sun,

It should shine in the morning til all fun is done,

The night can have clouds,

With raindrop big crowds,

And thunderstorms, I vote for none.

DON'T BUY CHIPS FROM A GHOST

I bought potato chips but, they were all mold

I read that in 2012 they should have been sold,

I went back to the store,

But, the store was no more,
It was abandoned in 2010 I was told.

BITING THE GREEN THING

Just because something is green does not mean it tastes good,

Sometimes that something green is metal, rock or wood,

So, don't bite down with teeth,

They may break off down beneath,

Make sure the green thing is soft, you should.

FRED SENT ME FLOWERS

I got some flowers from my best bud Fred,

He sent me flowers when I went dead,

In my final dwell,

I didn't smell so well,

So, they buried the flowers with my pine box bed.

FOR RENT, I SOLD MY SOUL ON LAYAWAY

Before I enter the month called May, 

My rent bill I will have to pay,

But, I lost my job,

And, my roommate, Bob,

On time, I've sold my soul in layaway.

NONSENCE WITH SIMPLE NUMBERS MADE BY SIMPLER MINDS

7 is not 11 unless you add the number 4,

Then, you must add another 9 before you have a score,

But, do not wait,

There's an inflation rate,

That's when everyone asks for more.

SPRING EXERCISE

I exercised for a very short while,

By walking around my small domicile,

But, the stamina required,

Made me awfully tired,

I collapsed when I reached the floor tile.

A FREE SUMMER VACATION HOME

I dreamed of vacation as I sat on the lawn,

But, all of my sources of income are gone,

Then, the eyes in my head,

Spied my old garden shed,

I leave for vacation at dawn.

MEANIES OR FRIENDS?

If we are to survive then, it all depends,

On whether we decide to be meanies or friends,

We should all be nice,

It's not much of a price,

Or, we'll all be screwed if life ends.

THE CURRENCY OF OUTER SPACE

I hitched a ride to Mars,

It cost me 6 cigars,

I couldn't take my pets,

That cost cigarettes,

And, I'm saving those smokes for the stars.

I'VE NEVER TO PARROT

I have never been to Parrot:  its a thrift shop down the street,

To go is a social demerit:  that's where poor people meet,

Anyone can go to the store,

You get discounts to buy more,

Great clothing, it's cheap to wear it, and still afford to eat.

I NEED DETROIT FOOTBALL

When it finally happens and it's the football time of year,

I'll be watching from home decked out in Detroit Lions' gear,

Although, I'll not be a present fan,

I'll watch with all of Michigan,

And, we'll be eating tacos and pizza while, sipping pop and beer.