THE BIG PEEPER BUGS

I woke up from the world of nighttime sleepers,

Just to see several dozen tiny creepers,

They were a green bug,

That crawled out of my rug,

They looked up at my face, with cute, big, black peepers.

22924

BRAIN PUDDING

I don't mind being called a Hypocrite,
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.

6718

UNHEALTHY LIVING LIMERICK

Mark ate pigs-feet for his dinner meal,
They were greasy which was the appeal,
Eating lean, like turkey,
Is not that tasty,
Like pigs-feet and corn-fed fat veal.

123121

SHOPPING IN A SNOW STORM POEM

I went downtown to do some shopping,
While all around the snow was plopping,
The night was dark and wind was cold,
I was the only being both brave and bold,

Unfortunately, a dilemma was posed,
Every store I went to due to weather was closed,
At every shop I yanked at the door,
It would not open; no one in the store,

I finally decided to drive my car home,
But, the snow was so thick I got stuck in white foam,
I then walked but got flustered when I couldn't find my street,
I then gave-up and sat down feeling drowned in defeat,

As I bathed in self pity along came the snow plow,
It lifted me up in the air as I said “holy cow,”
It was strange that it took me to my residence,
It deposited me gently behind my picket fence,

I waved bye to the snowplow fading into the night,
My horrendous adventure put things in new light,
So, if shopping you go when the snow's badly blowing,
Drive very careful and buy insurance for towing.

LEAP YEAR INSANITY

We are having another Leap Year, and it's driving me insane,

All these Leap Year stress emotions, are doing flip flops with my brain,

Do I set my clocks ahead?

Should I set them back instead?

While driving down the road, should I be in the right or the left lane?

KABOOM JACK IS BACK IN SPIRIT.

Jack was in a real dark room, and smelled foul gas, greatly leaking,

Jack decided to light up a match, to go gas leak seeking,

Jack lit up the room,

KABOOMADY BOOM! 

Now at a weekly seance, through mediums, Jack is speaking.

22824

MY SPACE TRAVEL ADVENTURE

I was in my spacecraft, traveling at the speed of light,

I should have installed some headlamps, so I could see at night,

I ran into a saber-toothed space-bear,

Cracked open my ship, and leaked out my air,

Space bear will eat me, and I do not think it is alright.

THE CHOO CHOO CRUSHED MY PLANE

My little plane got hit by a chocho train, and my plane got all messed up,

I was not able to make it home tonight, and I did not get my sup,

I got a ticket and went to jail,

There I will stay; I cannot make bail,

I just hope I can fix my plane, so I can fly up, up, up, up.

SMELL INTERPRETATION

I love to dumpster dive, because I like the smells,

Things that are really smelly, have their special tells,

The things that smell awfully sour,

Belonged to people of power,

And farmy smells, belonged to farmers in the dells. 

ATTACK OF THE WOLVERINE

The vicious wolverine bit off my middle toe,

I doubt I can get another mid-toe to grow,

He ripped out my lungs and face,

Fast, like he was in a race,

He ran off with my spleen, dragging it through the snow,

THE BEAST OF SUMER VALLEY

The beast that lives in Sumer Valley,

Eats the peasants, quite a tally,

He will jelly them for toast,

Or for dinner, a lamb roast,

With pitchforks and torches, the peasants will rally.

I DON'T GROW PLANTS TO FREEZE

I am hoping spring will get here real soon,

I've started seeds growing, to plant in June,

If it's too cold,

My plants, I'm told,

Will freeze to death, with the rising new moon.

THE THREE TASTY TROLLS AND THE DRAGON

There were three evil trolls way out in the deep woods,

They were snacking on good Little Red Riding Hoods,

A hungry dragon was flying,

Thought the evil trolls worth trying,

Sometimes dragons do evils, sometimes they do goods.

SIS THE WEASEL LIMERICK

There once was a mean weasel named Sis,
If you came near, she would start to hiss,
When Sis was a wee babe,
She was bit by brother Gabe,
Sis was a weasel that no one dared kiss.

121723  

SOUP ON MY CINNAMON ROLL, YUCKY

Eating soup was my goal,

Bought a plastic bowel,

Did not see it had a hole,

On my food it took a toll,

Got wet my cinnamon roll.

22724

MISDEMEANOR BOB WITHOUT BAIL

Bob went to court, and a very mean judge was there,

Bob smiled real pretty, but that judge did not care,

Bob had no money for bail, 

So, he went to county jail,

They furnished Bob a jumpsuit, but no underwear.

THE VAMPIRE PLOTS REVENGE

They chopped off my head, and put me in a deep, cold grave,

They piled on some heavy rocks, so I wouldn't misbehave,

I crawled out of my dead bed,

Crowned my shoulders with my head,

Then I hunted villagers, and fresh made blood they gave.

WHO HAS THE BLUEST MOON? LIMERICK

Nightly News Blue Moon

My Blue Moon

So, last night's moon was big and blue,

It was still not much worth looking to,

And, for ten minutes of views,

I missed the night news,

Where they showed the moon in a much bluer hue.

10222

FRED THE DRAGON, PICKY EATS

I knew this fire breathing dragon, named Fred,

He wouldn't eat anything, unless it was dead,

In his belly, Fred did carry,

A big, vast pet cemetery,

Fred kept dead insects snacks, underneath his bed.

MICRO MOONS AND LITTLE DIPPPERS

I saw a micro moon in the cloudy nighttime sky,

It was so darn cloudy, the moon almost missed my eye,

I'm not into little moons,

Little dippers or baby spoons,

Because all things are small tonight, I will bid you bye.

22524

SIR DIRK THE NOBLE KNIGHT

Sir Dirk was a very noble knight,
Fire breathing Dragons he would fight,
He once shipped off to France,
With a long metal lance,
And the dragons all ran out of sight.

11723

THE SKUNK WHO LOWERED HIS CHOLESTEROL

Derek the skunk liked his eggs in the morn,
So he went into the chicken coop where the eggs were born,
Then the chickens got mad,
And treated poor Derek bad,
So Derek breakfasted by eating field corn.  

71721

PUP WELL DRAINED?

Mary was so ashamed,

Her puppy was not toilet trained,

The pup did know the score,

He did his job out the door,

But, came back in and was not fully drained.

5721

DINO RAMPAGE

The dinosaur in my crawlspace, ate my dog and cat,

I told him it wasn't funny, and that he was not all that!

That big buns dino turd,

Never heard one word,

He ate my sister Sarah, and my little brother Pat.

22424

THE DEER HUNT AND THE BAT LIMERICK

I climbed up a tree to hunt deer with my bow,
A big buck I targeted and was good to go,
But, the tree where I sat,
Was the home of a bat,
I then panicked and shot off my big toe.  

3118

JIMMY GOES POOF

Some long icicles fell off the barn roof,

They knocked poor Jimmy off of his tall hoof,

Jimmy needed a warm fire,

So he lit up a truck tire,

Jimmy was too close, and Jimmy went poof.

THE WALRUS POSE LIMERICK

John  thought he'd strike a walrus pose,
So, he stuck two straws way up his nose,
He thought he’d be funny,
But, his nose became runny,
He dripped down the front of his clothes.

5721

I FOUND A NICKEL, WHEN I PLANTED MY CHERRY

I bought a cute, little cherry tree, and put it in the ground,

I put a steak in beside it with a pound, pound, pound, pound, pound,

So the cherry tree would not break,

I tied it firmly to the stake,

My dig turned up something shinny, a new nickel I done found.

22324

THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM REMASTERED

Johnny was captured, and taken to the pit,

He got cut by a pendulum, that was it,

He got cut in half,

Infected with staff,

Now Johnny has no way that he can sit.

22224

I COME FROM A PLANET WITH TWO SUNS AND TWO MOONS LIMERICK

I come from a planet with two suns and two moons,
Many groves of apple trees line up in platoons,
It never turns night,
You live only in light,
You can eat lunch twice cause there are two noons.

41123

GREEN GOES THE MELTING SNOW

I got tired of snow so, I painted the snow grass green,

I covered my yard and I thought it looked keen,

But, the city via citation disagreed,

Said as the snow melts into roads the paint would bleed,

The cleanup made my wallet real lean.

51720

FISHING WITH A DINGY

I rowed my dingy out onto the bay,
I hoped to catch fish from dusk until day,
But, just after dark,
Along came a shark,
Now in the shark’s belly I lay.

I took out my dingy to fish for crappies,
But, I ran into turtles that I call snappies,
They snapped my dingy in two,
I was on their menu,
My demise gave the snappies the happies.

52322

I WILL BE ONE WITH THE LAWN

The doctor said to me, soon I'd be all gone,

I would probably not make it, until dawn,

Tainted preserve spread,

Was making me dead,

I'll soon be greening up a small plot of lawn.

I HIDE FROM GLOWING SPACE ALIENS

I think that I'd better hide,

There are space aliens glowing outside,

I've got nothing to fear,

Unless, I think life dear,

But, I'm a coward and in that I take pride.

10322

TAXES,AND TOILET WINE

I do not mind filing taxes each and every single  year,

It's paying the taxes, fines, interest and fees, that causes fear,

If I happen to fail,

I will spend time in jail,

There I'll be making wine in my toilet, and never taste a beer.

22224

FILING MY TAXES: I MIGHT GET PROBATION IN FOUR

Filing my taxes feels stressful, like war,

 My receipts are scattered all over, the floor, 

 My cats all go whiz, 

 All over my biz, 

 I might get probation, in four.

101021

STARTING PLANTS INDOORS

I bought a bag of potting soil to start pepper plants inside,

I grow amazing, pretty pepper plants that are my joy and pride,

I transplant them to pots on my deck,

I grow amazing peppers by the peck,

I feed them to my pigs and chickens, and so far, none of them have died.

FORSAKE ME NOT MY JELLYROLL

Forsake me not my jellyroll,
I need said roll to guide my soul,
The flavors are Zen,
It's perfection, a ten,
Glazed bread with a sweet fruit-filled hole.

21422

 

MANGE PUT WORK OUT OF RANGE

I played with my quite doggy, and I caught a case of mange,

Then when I went to work, people looked at me real strange,

Someone made a big fuss,

I got kicked off the bus,

Unfortunately, my work was beyond my walking range.

I DIGS A HOUND HOLE FOR MY FRIEND 2

My dearest friend in the world, the hound, he died,

The ancient woodland fairies, they cried and cried,

I put my hound in the hole,

Said "fare thee well", to his soul,

The fit was real tight, because the hole wasn't wide.

12824

THE ANIMAL LANGUAGES RHYME

My turtle named Herman could speak only German,
My pet fish Louise spoke just Japanese,
My little pet finch could speak only French,
My dolphin named Wendy only spoke Hindi,
My pet snake named Vanish spoke nothing but Spanish,
My big goose named Maelic just spoke words in Gaelic,
My tame honey bees conversed Portuguese,
My doggy named Patton knew no words but Latin,
And, Albert the cat just listened and sat.    

22024

A SPIDER NAMED NELLIE LIMERICK

A spider named Nellie lived under the stairs,
This spider named Nellie was afraid of big bears,
She would never go outside,
Under the stairs she would hide,
Counting each of her forty-one graying hairs.

7922

PIT AND THE GIT

Donny was a really mean, awful git,

Donny had a big bulldog, he called Pit,

Donny teased him with meat, 

But wouldn't let poor Pit eat,

Pit bit off Donny's buns, now he can't sit.

ZOOM DOCTORS DECIDE

I met with four crazy doctors on the Zoom,

They discussed the condition causing my gloom,

They said don't bother to retire,

For I was about to expire,

They said I should contemplate my pending doom.

22024

WHEN THE FIRST BIRDS BUILT A NEST JIMMY CHEERED

When the first birds built a nest Jimmy cheered,
For the winter lasted longer than he feared,
His food was all gone,
He had no stuff left to pawn,
All he had left was to chew on his beard.

32422

Meeting

Tracy went to Sarnia to visit the Prince,

Poor, old Mr. Tracy has not been heard from since,

Dan went to Hope,

To visit the Pope,

The visit went well, except meeting was tense.

MY TIME MACHINE BROKE DOWN II

My time machine broke down back in Ancient Rome,
I met Nero Czar and he was a weird little gnome,
He'd sit out in his flower garden,
Passing gas and saying "pardon",
Then, he'd spout some idiotic poem.

42322
 

MY BIRD SONG

Many birds are here this spring,

Doing their tweet and pecking thing,

Building nests beneath roofs, in trees,

All busy parents the shes and hes,

Seeds and bugs to their young they bring,

And, joy to the babies moms and daddies sing.

32917

 

THE GHOSTED TIME TRAVELERS

On my brand new time-ship, everything went all blurry,

As some particles slowed, others started to hurry,

I felt my particles collide,

Pretty sure we all died,

At least now that I am dead, I don't have to worry.

21924

MY SPACESHIP CRASHED, AGAIN

Because I used repurposed tin,

My spaceship fell apart again,

No trip out to Mars,

Let alone the stars,

A crashing spaceship is no win.

MONDAY, I'M OFF TO WORK

Monday morning I am soar,

I am tired and could sleep some more,

I was a weekend rowdy,

My mind is still cloudy,

I can't remember how to open the door.

42522

WHAT I FED MY PET TROLL

I had a pet troll I kept under a bridge,

I made him a troll house out of a non-working fridge,

I fed him crackers and cheese,

For a treat frosty freeze,

With chips known for their wave and their ridge.

32821

I GOT A JOB IN DAIRY OUT ON PLANET X

I was abducted by an alien that landed a ship from outer space,

I knew he/she was an alien because her/his eyes glowed on his/ her face,

She/he took me to a store/farm,

She/he offered me no harm,

But he/she said I'd be milking cows and stocking the dairy case.

MICKEY THE PICKY

Mickey The Picky, was a big, meany grouch,

He laid around and complained, from his stuffed couch,

That made mom and dad,

Fell terribly sad,

So they gave Mickey many coins for his coin pouch.

HENRY IS SICK

Henry ate a great big plate of green, raw, frozen clams,

Henry barfed at the fun party at the house of Sam's,

Henry walked his way back home,

Past where was the Silverdome,

Henry remembered the Lions win, against the Rams.

21824

BEN DOES THE SNOW

Ben's driveway was covered with snow,

Ben decided to give it a blow,

Ben is just a big slob,

He did one sloppy job,

Then he cleaned off the ice with a hoe.

FEEDING THE WEREWOLF

I was out in my garden, sitting in my summer seat,

Waiting for the werewolf, for he was coming for his meat,

I heard a crackling in the wood,

Behind me, the werewolf stood,

I felt his hot breath, his teeth, and he proceeded to eat.

21724

THE BANANA LIMERICK

I left my bananas on my kitchen counter top,
The bananas ripened and ripened, I din't think they could stop,
Then, I noticed one day,
My bananas had ripened away,
Leaving behind a runny, gooey slop.

4716

VINCENT PLAYED THE SAXOPHONE

Vincent played the saxophone,
He was completely deaf to tone,
He sounded like Jazz,
But, had no pizzazz,
For pay they would throw him a bone.

82821

HAM FLAVORED CLERKY MANAGER

A lion walked into a grocery store, looking for a plump clerk,

The clerks were all very thin and busy, rushing around their

 work,

A portly mean manager, named Sam,

Was yelling, and smelled like ham,

The lion hauled Sam out the door, and fed her cubs ham flavored jerk.

21724

THE BARGAIN STORE

I went shopping for bargains at the bargain store,
But, when I wanted a bargain I ended up paying more,
I went consumer empowered,
But, with high prices got showered,
I came home with high priced items and poor.

82916

THE TOAST GHOST

Mr. Eddie was a mean, nasty, old ghost,

He liked to paint pictures on my French toast,

He used my berry jelly,

A gift from aunt Ellie,

His paintings of spiders, scarred me the most.

THE CEILING

A ceiling keeps me from getting totally wet,

It keeps some snow out, so mommy don't get upset,

Then there is dad,

He is macho bad,

If he'd just put up walls, we'd be better off, yet.

THE SINGING SNAPDRAGONS (A BOY BAND ODYSSEY)

Seven little snapdragons were swimming in the salt sea,

They climbed aboard my fishing boat, and sang sweet songs to me,

 I took them back to my dump,

Sat them out on a fresh stump,

Where the snapdragons all sang in cute boy band harmony.

COLLECTING A BOUNTY ON A YETTI

I went to the Michigan Yetti Fair,

All the very famous yettis were there,

I went to that county,

To claim a yetti bounty,

The proceeds would make my debts all go square.

PITBULL DANCER

Rene  had a pretty dancing Pitbull, named Trina,

Rene trained Trina to dance like a real ballerina,

Trina danced the Pirouette,

From daybreak, until sunset,

When Trina went outside, she'd pee on a Gardena.

MY SHORT HAIRED DOG GOT RABIES, SO I BOUGHT A HAIRY ONE

I once had a Boston terrier,

He was a big rabies carrier,

He foamed at the mouth,

Took off, going south,

I bought a collie, much hairier.  

MY CHICKEN LEG AND GEESE LIMERICK

I sat on a park bench, and did sup with the geese,

I chewed a leg of chicken, then threw them a piece,

The geese all honked and they  hooped

Then on the sidewalk, they pooped,

Oh, the wonders of nature, will they ever cease?

I'M NOT LAZY; I MAKE STEW

When I have a lot of work to do,

I do nothing, except make a stew,

I take a special pill,

So I can eat roadkill,

Or my skin turns green, and then turns blue.

THE LURKING COYOTE AND PAUL

There's a coyote lurking in my barn,

He ate a very skinny rat, oh darn,

The rat was called Paul,

He lived in a stall,

Paul made a nest for his babies, with yarn.

FOUR, MY VALENTINE

I now have a gorgeous Valentine, named four,

I had of course three past one's, I once did adore,

I save money, using my brains,

And repurpose old candy canes,

I box them up, like nice new candy from a store.

BE MY VALENTINE WARNING

Who wants to be my Valentine on this Monday morning,

I don't have all my marbles, so consider this your warning,

My chocolate little heart,

I will give to you sweet tart,

Then we'll shop for dishware over in the town of Corning.

21422

THE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED SHORT-LEGGED PIG

My pig has short legs by design,

A genetically engineered short-legged swine,

His legs can't support his great weight,

So, like a good mate,

He stays home sharing stories and wine.

62821

SPACESHIP

There was never a tempest during last night,

That created that intensive, flashing light,

There was not any moon,

There was a humming tune,

A parked alien spaceship, hung in plain sight.

21424

I LOVE NEWBURY CHOCOLATES

I drove on up to Newbury to purchase some chocolate treats,

They make chocolate the old fashioned way; they mix it with their feets,

Their chocolates smell so fine,

Matching vapors in port wine,

There are lots of free chocolate samples; I eats, and eats, and eats.

21424

THE SIMPLE CHEF

I have made a peanut butter post,

Taught people how to spread it on toast,

Next post, it's my fruit jelly,

It's both chewy and smelly,

PBJ on toast, bests a beef roast.

21324

CANNED CONTENTS CAN VARY

I bought canned fruit that had some cherries,

Mixed in with pears, grapes and berries,

Imagine, I had to report,

I found a toe with a wart,

So, contents of canned fruit sometimes varies.

10620

THE SNOW IS WOE LIMERICK

I don't like November snow,

It traps my car, so I can't go,

Will I get food, I do not know,

The cold hurts, I feel woe,

I hired someone for a driveway blow.

22123

LIGHTNING AND THE TIN POST

I put in the steps, so downhill I wouldn't slide,

I dug some post holes along my steps outside,

I used cheap posts and rails made of tin,

Each costing less than a fin,

But lightning made my rail greatly divide. 

61618

DOWN WITH PICKLEBALL

I use to play pickleball,

Then I had a trip and a fall,

After the hospital cost,

My nest egg was lost,

That's when I gave my lawyer a call.

21224

MY TAINTED TUNA

My tuna fish was kind of tainted,

With blue and green dots it was painted,

Although, it was my main course,

It smelled like sweat from my horse,

With the garbage the tuna was acquainted.  

8721

BARRY THE BLUE BOOMERANG TRAVELS OFF TO RED MARS

Barry the blue boomerang, was tornadoed into space,

Barry, the first space boomerang, had gained one famous face,

With the good luck of the stars,

Barry would soon be on mars,

Where he hoped to retire, and settle and find a place.

10423

WOODSTOVE MELTED PLASTIC FAN, AND MY SHACK BURNED.

My fan got hot and caught on fire,

It was atop my woodstove, which caused the dire,

My melted, plastic fan,

Made great flames and I ran,

My shack was nearly all paid off, now I can't retire.

81622

MY GERBIL NAMED BEN

My hamster drank water from the Flint River today,
He turned into a grasshopper and then hopped away,
And, my gerbil named Ben,
Drank the water and then,
Became a bear and I was his prey.

4822

RISE OF THE DREADED DEAD

As we summoned up the dead,

All the sky turned bloody red,

With our sacrifice, the demons were fed,

They drank the blood from the severed head,

Then from the graves the corpses were led,

To stalk the living and bring them dread,

While the living slumber in quiet bed,

Making pretty dreams, instead.

PP10102022

JIMBO'S CHICKEN COOP FIRE

When Jimbo's chicken coop caught fire,

The chickens escaped over the chicken wire,

But, they didn't get anywhere,

They were all ate by a bear,

Now, Jimbo's chicken farm's future is dire.

4222

COOP

MICHIGAN STEW AND THE BELLY AND BLUE

I went to Bohemia Michigan for some of their famous stew,

It tasted quite a bit off, because it was very old, and not new,

I had quite an ill belly,

Gassing up, getting swelly,

I got a ride to the hospital, after I passed out and turned blue.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH, BUT I VLOG

I can't tell if my pet is a cat or a dog,

It could be a goldfish, or a tree climbing frog,

I should go to school,

But that is not cool,

I would rather spend time making my video vlog.

AI AND THE ZOMBIES

AI put some chips in my head,

That raised me back from the real dead,

I started snarling for food,

AI said "ok, dead dude",

AI gave me some brains, now I'm fed.

THE BIRDS

There were three birds on my clothesline, and they were pooping on my clothes,

I told them not to do it, but they each turned up their bird beak nose,

I got out my squirt gun,

Squirted them, had some fun,

As they flew off, they pooped on my head, and it ran down to my toes.

21024

ATTACK OF THE VOLES 2

The cruel voles are sneaking into neighborhoods,

Towards the little village of Chewy Woods,

Once they are there,

No shrub they will spare,

Nurseries will be bare of live garden goods.

MY BAD DAY IN COURT

Because my behavior was on report,

I was ordered to appear in the court,

But there was a grudge,

Came from the mean judge,

He said my breath smelled like a brandy snort.

A WELCOME HOME FOR MY VALENTINE

While I am happily preparing for the love holiday,

Until Valentine's, my love has tripped and traveled far away,

Then I'll make a nice meal,

Wear my clean shirt, it's teal,

I will lite and smoke incense to make my house smell ok. 

THE POGO STICK NATION

The pogo stick competition has grown in reputation,

For the pogo stick sport is a hopping sensation,

Pogo stick competition is everywhere you go,

Some compete for duration others, win, place or, show,

The popularity of pogo has triple-digit inflation.

It's clear we have become a pogo stick nation.

022723

BAD DAY AND BOWS

I tripped over my toes,

That started off my woes,

I hit my head,

I went to bed,

For breakfast, I had macaroni bows.

THE TRAPEZOID.

I was watching a big meteor flying at us from the sky,

It was quite apparent that soon it would hit us, and we would die,

Then a bright spaceship appeared,

It was trapezoid, so weird,

The spaceship laser-beamed the meteor, it blew apart, oh my!

I GOT SOME SPLEENING TO DO

I live in rural America, where the bestest food is fried spleen,

We eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and all meals in between,

I like for a munchy,

Fried spleen that is crunchy,

If you eat spleen far to often, you will find your gills turning green.

2924

THE YEAR OF THE DRAGON

It's the Year Of The Dragon, and I have nowhere for him to sleep,

 If he stays within these, my walls, it will be in the castle keep,

What does he like to eat?

What's his favorite meat?

I have lot's of peasant villagers, that are calling me a creep.

FEEDING A MICHIGAN WOLVERINE

A wolverine barged through my door, looking for something to eat,

I fixed him a stack of pancakes, but he wanted only meat,

I took him to the grocery store,

I bought him  chicken, and beef and more,

I bought him some thick, smoked bacon for an after dinner treat.

2924

THE LAND OF FAIRIES AND LONG TONGUED FROGS

When I was young, I lived in the land of fairies,

We ate pumpkin seeds, and golden raspberries,

We avoided cats and dogs,

And all the longer tongued frogs,

I lived years in that world, where nothing varies.

WHAT ATE MY PRETTY BEAR

I was delirious, and had a real bad scare,

A wolverine attacked and ate my pretty bear,

My bear I called  Honey,

He was nice, and funny,

That bad wolverine caused me sadness and despair.

THE VOLE AND THE TIKI TORCH

There was a little vole sitting on my porch,

He said he had been chewing on my neighbors tiki torch,

Vole said if he wanted real grub,

He'd chew the bark off my shrub,

He said that tiki flames gave his fur a scorch.

THE VOLES ARE COMING

My home has been overrun by cruel voles,

The cruel voles have nefarious goals,

They have a bear army,

Most vicious, not charmy,

Seizing my hen house, while harvesting souls.

MOUSE BE NIMBLE, MOUSE BE QUICK, OR IN THE GLUE TRAP YOU WILL STICK

Little Ginger was a furry,

She was a mouse not in a hurry,

She moved slowly, tap tap,

Got stuck in a glue trap,

Then the furry started to worry.

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THE TRINKET POEM II

I went buying trinkets with my little sister Sue,

We could have bought a car with all the money we blew,

We stopped for burgers and fries,

It took a couple of tries,

They gave me a ketchup packet, with an extra two.

THE TRINKET POEM

I went to the dollar store, and bought some trinkets, on sale.

Ten little tin milk maidens, each carrying a tin pail,

I took my trinkets home,

Wrote this trinket poem,

I'll next eat a little salad made lettuce and kale.

THE LITTLE DOG WITH STINKY BREATH LIMERICKS

A little dog’s breath was really bad,
No one would pet him, rub his belly: so sad,
So, the little dog brushed his teeth well,
Used a mouthwash with a strong smell,
Now his owners treat him like they’re his mom and his dad.

A little dog had breath that just stunk,
The little dog was avoided like a skunk,
The little dog was no dope,
He washed his mouth out with soap,
Then, his mouth just smelled like soapy gunk.

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THE PERPETRATOR HAD WINGS II

My parrot would fly, and knock over ma's high priced lamps,

Parrot scratched cousin Paul, and bit the ear off poor gramps,

What a criminal mind,

Common with his winged kind,

I chased Parrot out the door, he can go live with tramps.

THE PERPETRATOR HAD WINGS

I have a sneaky canary named Chirp,

He steals things, so he is a perp,

He stole my popcorn,

For his cage, to adorn,

I locked his cage; he hated it, the twerp

Living For Free In A Tiny Dump

Moss growing on my doors,

Mushrooms growing from my floors,

Methinks my shack has had enough,

The leaky roof has ruined my stuff,

Still, my squat is free and beer sells next door.

MY NEIGHBORHOOD

Some of my neighbors live in tree houses; not safe from the big bad cat,

Some neighbors live in tunnels, with family members packed in like the rat,

Some of my neighbors live in a lean-to, just loose boards leaned against a tree,

I live out in the open, easy prey, but at least I feel free,

Rich neighbors live in abandoned cars, but the bears smell where they're at.

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THE CHIRPY, CHIRPY LITTLE BIRDS

Chirpy, chirpy little birds,

You wake me early with your chirpy words,

I don't know what you say,

Because you speak in that way,

Like the kids in my math class, called nerds.

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LOVE BUNNY SITS ON MY TOILET

My love bunny is so crybaby sad,

My love bunny ate scallops that were bad,

The soft toilet seat,

Is love bunny's retreat,

When I can use the toilet, I'll be glad.

A PONEY NAMED PENELOPE PIE

There was a pony named Penelope Pie,
Down every race track she would fly,
She was owned by Pap Herbie,
He entered her in the Derby,
When she lost she had a really good cry.

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THEY DIPPED SOME CHIPS IN MY BRAINS

The judge said I was criminally, completely insane,

He ordered AI chips to be stapled into my brain,

I did not feel anything,

Til my ears started to ring,

Then my eyeballs popped out, causing pain.

TWO FERAL PIGS WALKED INTO A BAR

Two feral pigs walked into a country bar,

They saw pickled pig's feet sitting in a glass jar,

One pig said, "they advertised pickled eggs,"

The other said, "I see feet, but where are the legs?"

The pigs stormed out and drove off in a car.  

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GEORGE TOOK A BOAT OUT ON A LAKE

George took a boat out on a lake, 
To see what big fish he could take, 
The boat started to leak, 
It was a wooden antique, 
George knew he had made a mistake.

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I DO VALENTINE'S DAY ALONE (Again)😞

I bought many Valentine's gifts, yet have no Valentine,

Mostly I bought candy, I love candy, so I'll be fine,

I booked a restaurant date,

But I have no loving mate,

I shall watch loving couples, and for such love I will pine.

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BETTER HYGIENE FOR ALL

Free Soap, Free Soap, for better hygiene,

To live long and prosper, you must keep yourself clean,

It's not a small token,

To disinfect while you're soakin'

And, wash the undies if you ate too much bean.

ELASTIC PARK

Human eaters roamed the plastic park,

They ate all humans and doggies that bark,

Giant monsters all made of plastic, 

Held together with bands of elastic,

They melted in sunlight so, they came out at dark.

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THE HORN TOOTER AND DING-DONG BELL

My little scooter had a horn tooter, and a ding-dong bell,

I'd ride my scooter behind someone, and my noise made them yell,

My parents got complaints,

No kids are ever saints,

Daddy took a  hammer, and for the scooter, it didn't end well.

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SCRATCHING, AND JIMMY BLEEDS OUT

Jimmy thought the night was going real nice,

Then he got to itching on his head lice,

He scratched and bled,

By morn he was dead,

He was consumed by the cat, rats and mice.

RIP Jimmy RIP😢

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