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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

YELLOW POISONOUS SPIDER LIMERICK AND POEM

A big yellow spider bit me on the head,
It hurt so bad and puffed up really red,
Then I felt really, really strange,
I looked in a mirror and saw a change,
Not a human; a yellow spider instead.

Yellow spider don't make me cry,
Don't bite my foot,don't bite my thigh,
I'm really quite a descent guy,
I'll be better and won't go awry,
I really need a relieving sigh,
Please don't bite me and make me die.

Monday, November 29, 2010

A CHIMP NAMED LEE

There was a chimpanzee his name was Lee,
He lived in a zoo but yearned to be free,
So he sewed himself cloths,
Took on a human pose,
Then he walked out of the gate before three.

A BAD GRADING SYSTEM MR COX

There once was a math teacher named Mr. Cox,
Those that had his class suffered a nasty pox,
He would not give out an "A",
And "B's" were not his way,
But, he gave out "C's" fast like changing ones socks.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

COLOSEUS: THE GIANT FISH THAT WALKS ON LAND

Out on the island of Mackinaw,
The strangest beast appeared,
Some say it was a two legged fish,
All Mackinawians saw it as weird,

It came up from the cold depths of Lake Michigan,
It was on a stormy November Eve,
The fairies had closed down for the winter again,
But, there were caretakers who could not leave,

Caretakers watched from the apartments,
As the lightning danced round in the sky,
A creature walked from the lake with garments,
Of seaweed hanging from it's head to it's thigh,

It's mass was that of a fish called a carp,
But, it had legs on each side of it's tail,
It bared large teeth looking for food to scarp,
The creature was large and could eat a whale,

It was named Colossus, it's eyes fixed like stone,
It's hunger to eat seemed so intense indeed,
It's razor sharp teeth could saw through any bone,
It's number one issue was it had to feed,

The caretakers first watched and then trembled,
As the creature chased down an orange cat,
Then, the caretakers quickly assembled,
They decided to fight and no one would scat,

The creature seemed attracted to light,
As it made it's way up to the hotel on a hill,
It was moving toward the Grand Hotel sight,
Where it could dine upon it's favorite kill,

The caretakers had devised a devious plan,
It was simple but if it worked it was good,
They'd chase it off with the roar of a cannon,
The Mackinaw Island would be at peace as it should,

The old cannon had been there for 300 years,
It took pride blasting enemies in war,
It was old but, when fired brought about tears,
It's cannon balls likely settled the score,

So, two young caretakers ran behind the thing,
They ran toward the beach of the Michigan sea,
They yelled, hollered and taunted with a sing,
The monster saw them and he couldn't let them flee,

The two legged monster fish pursued with a thrust,
He knew he could catch them with a jump and a pounce,
If he landed on top the caretaker would bust,
But, catching and eating is all that counts,

When the caretakers came to the end of the beach,
They knew that real soon there would be a big boom,
They turned toward the monster hearing a screech,
Behind fish monster it sounded like doom,

The fish monster wailed as he felt the heat burn,
He geared up fast toward the lake without any turn,
Everyone said as the monster swam out of sight,
"Come back next year fish and we'll give you a fight".

Saturday, November 27, 2010

THE PET BIRD AND THE PET BOBCAT

Boggy had a pet bobcat named Bites,
Bites ate birds and wore bright colored tights,
Boggy also had a pet parakeet,
Whom,Bites didn't hesitate to eat,
Boggy took away Bites rights to his tights.

Friday, November 26, 2010

WANDA WENT SHOPPING THE DAYAFTER THANKSGIVING

Wanda went shopping the day after thanksgiving,
She spent every dime that she had made for her living,
She bought the kids some electronic toys,
She bought her mate Superbowl with the boys,
Wanda bought herself a Harley for riving.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

TURKEY DAY: CARVING AND EATING WHAT'S YUMMY

Turkey Day carving,
Manna peels, soft, sweet, flesh, yum,
Heavens tasty meat.

BLACK FRIDAY COMES ONLY ONCE A YEAR

Black Friday comes only once a year,
The sales are great when money is dear,
The stores slash the price,
Up to 70% which is nice,
That leaves more money for pizza and beer.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

TREE HITS HOUSE HAIKU

Tree hits house, hard, crash,
No insurance! Paid too late,
So sad, no pad, ouch!

BARNY THE WICCAN

Barny was a practicing wiccan,
His familiar was a farm chicken,
If you want some good luck,
Get the chicken to cluck,
If he don't cluck you'll have some slim pickin'.

PARNELL WENT TO WORK AND LOST HIS JOB

Parnell went to work and lost his job,
He worked in retail and looked like a slob,
His cloths did not fit,
He smelled just a bit,
Now,for a dollar he'll dig up a stob.

JIM'S PICKUP SLID RIGHT OFF THE ROAD-Limerick

Jim's pickup slid right off of the road,
It was a wreck and had to be towed,
Jim's car would not start,
Nor would his golf cart,
So he hitchhiked and that's how he goed.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

TRAVERSE BAY TIME

Traverse Bay is big and blue,
It’s water fun through and through,
You can cross with a boat,
Or else swim or just float’
But, don’t wade it whatever you do.

If you fish in Grand Traverse Bay,
You will catch something during the day,
If you get your wish,
It will be a fish,
Not a sea monster coming your way.

PATTY THE CHRISTMAS WEREWOLF?

Patty was a werewolf,
She hunted night and day,
But, every year on Christmas Eve,
She guarded Santa’s sleigh,

When Patty snarled and barred her fangs,
She frightened away each highwayman,
And poachers kept quiet with their bangs,
Less they be bitten on the can,

Now reindeer meat is tender and sweet,
Its scent will make a werewolf drool,
So Patty bit one on the seat,
Santa thought that was just not cool,

Now Patty said she made a mistake,
And begged to keep her position,
Her family’s home they would forsake,
Her puppies would suffer malnutrition,

Now Santa always did what was good,
As an employer he was admired quite well,
Patty kept her job just as she should,
But, she had to plug her nose so she couldn’t smell.



,

Monday, November 15, 2010

THERE WAS A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SUE

There was a leprechaun named Sue,
Her hair was red, her eyes were blue,
A man from the city,
Thought she was real pretty,
So, he married her and moved to the Peru.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

KALKASKA TIME-Limerick

KALKASKA TIME

Kalkaska is a place with bears,
They’re one of Mother Nature’s terrors,
If you hear one grunt,
You must not confront,
Confrontations are serious errors.

Kalkaska has a huge fountain trout,
It’s taller than anything about,
It’s really speckled,
Some say it’s freckled,
But it’s real big there is no doubt.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

EVIL ROY THE MOTH

Roy was a great big summer moth,
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
He ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.

Friday, November 12, 2010

BEDBUG LIMERICK, HAIKU AND, POEM

BEDBUG LIMERICK
Jason found some bed bugs that were sucking on his knee,
He picked them off one at a time and let each bug go free,
George visited Jason at his house,
George brought bugs home to his spouse,
Bed bugs suck anyone’s blood and spread real easily.

BEDBUG HAIKU
Bedbugs bad suck blood,
Burn the cloths. Burn the beds too,
Nature’s nastiest.

BEDBUG POEM
You’ve never lived through a terrifying storm,
Until you’ve lived to watch the bedbugs swarm,
They race towards you because your blood is warm,
This is the lot you’ll face in a college dorm,

Bedbugs drink your blood and could not be meaner,
As your blood flows out you will become leaner,
Their bloodsucking jaws could not look obscener,
You just wish your roommate had been a bit cleaner,

Bedbugs, bedbugs in the very dark of night,
Causing all this mayhem and excessive fright,
As to your new digs just you don’t get too tight,
Cause we’re bringing them down with homemade dynamite.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

POOR LITTLE GEORGIE WAS TEASED OUT OF SCHOOL

Poor little Georgie was teased out of school,
The kids and the teachers said he was a fool,
But, after many years Georgie finally got even,
When he created the butler robot named Steven,
Now Georgie has a mansion and billions of dollars,
His former Nemesis's are poor and live in squallers.

CHEAP BOTTLED WINE

Real cheap bottled wine,
Bittersweet kiss on the lips,
Burns when you go pee,

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

MY BEST BUDDIE MACKIE JUST GOT A DIVORCE

My best buddy Mackie just got a divorce,
His wife was in love with another of course,
Unfair was the court,
With the child support,
It’s the wife’s lover’s primary income source.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

THE BEDBUG LIMERICK,HAIKU AND, POEM

BEDBUG LIMERICK
Jason found some bed bugs that were sucking on his knee,
He picked them off one at a time and let each bug go free,
George visited Jason at his house,
George brought bugs home to his spouse,
Bed bugs suck anyone’s blood and spread real easily.

BEDBUG HAIKU
Bedbugs bad suck blood,
Burn the cloths. Burn the beds too,
Nature’s nastiest.

BEDBUG POEM
You’ve never lived through a terrifying storm,
Until you’ve lived to watch the bedbugs swarm,
They race towards you because your blood is warm,
This is the lot you’ll face in a college dorm,

Bedbugs drink your blood and could not be meaner,
As your blood flows out you will become leaner,
Their bloodsucking jaws could not look obscener,
You just wish your roommate had been a bit cleaner,

Bedbugs, bedbugs in the very dark of night,
Causing all this mayhem and excessive fright,
As to your new digs just you don’t get too tight,
Cause we’re bringing them down with homemade dynamite.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

MANCELONA TIME

MANCELONA TIME

Mancelona had a pig roast,
They ate their pig with eggs and toast,
But then someone muttered,
Their toast was not buttered,
So,now they have no roast to boast,

If you really love to catch big fish,
In Mancelona you’ll get your wish,
They have rainbow trout,
And sunfish that pout,
And recipes to make your fish dish.

Mancelona was a real small town,
But, their cheese was famous all around,
Some saw a rat,
Near the cheese vat,
Then the cheese factory was shut down.

Friday, November 5, 2010

TAMMY WAS CURSED BY A BLACK WIDOW SPIDER-Limerick

Tammy was chugging vodka and apple cider,
When she swallowed a cursed black widow spider,
It bit her in the throat,
She then started to bloat,
Now, she eats all the flies that land beside her.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

HOW CHRISTMAS CAROLS COME TO BE

When the sky is cold and gray,
And summer seems so far away,
Snowflakes twinkle, a light display,
Then the mind begins to play,

Imagining a childhood tune,
Back in days that passed too soon,
Mother hummed it on christmas day,
While she set the table with display,

Soon some others would chime in,
Adding words with a Christmas spin,
Aunts and uncles and other kin,
Let their hearts speak out from deep within,

The house broke out with joyous song
And all the people sang along,
My sister pounded the piano keys,
New versus arrived with incredible ease,

Finally, the singing had to cease,
As we sat down for our meal of peace,
The food was really grand to eat,
But, being with loved ones is hard to beat,

The mind remembers the joyous past,
Those are the moments we want to last,
Such inspiration came to me,
How Christmas carols come to be.