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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Thursday, December 31, 2015

IT''S NEW YEARS EVE AND I'M WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ON KING TUT

It’s New Years Eve and my girl Mary,
Ran off with some dude she called Barry,
Even my pup ran off with some mutt,
Leaving me watching a documentary on the life of king Tut,

I’m so very glad that this year,
Has reached its imminent demise,
I shed not a single tear,
I hope next year I’ll be wise,

No girlfriends for me,
No pets for me anymore,
I’ll cherish the time I am free,
While only myself I’ll adore.



Wednesday, December 30, 2015

AT HUNTING CAMP I GOT THE BOOT

At hunting camp I got the boot,
I spoiled the big turkey shoot,
When the turkeys came by,
I yelled “get lost or die”,
I saved lives and don’t give a hoot.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

TIM AND MIKE PLAYED LAWN JARTS OUTSIDE

Tim and Mike played lawn jarts outside,
Hitting the target gave a great since of pride,
But, neither was a stranger,
For lawn jarts are a danger,
Still, poor Mike got stuck in the side.

Monday, December 28, 2015

I GOT TO WORK WHEN IT SNOWS

I went out to use my snow thrower,
But, something was wrong with the blower,
Then my snow shovel broke,
And my old car wouldn’t choke,
To work I’ll hire someone to tow her.

I got to work when it snows,
Or my future will get a hose,
I'll be fired late today,
When the boss calls in his say,
From the Greek archipelagos.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

THE FISH WITH JUST ONE FIN

There once was a fish with just one fin,
He swam around and around again,
All in circles he went,
Till his fuel was all spent,
Then a big catfish made him his din.

Friday, December 25, 2015

SANTA ON CHRISTMAS DAY

On Christmas day Santa sat smoking his pipe,
He had just opened up a new can of fresh tripe,
His job was now over,
No coin till October,
But, Mrs. Claus could get work; she could type.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

DON'T BE LATE FOR CHRISTMAS DINNER

Christmas turkey meal,
Really late, not much food left,
Skin, gravy, half bun.

Day off, sleep in, late,
Christmas dinner done, no food,
Present, alarm clock.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

THE CHRISTMAS THREE

Jessie was told to setup a Christmas tree,"
But, earwax caused Jessie to hear "Christmas Three,"
Jessie worked day and night,
To make his three look just right,
It looked so nice everyone just let it be.




Tuesday, December 22, 2015

TINA HAD A SILVER DOLLAR COLLECTION LIMERICK

Tina had a silver dollar collection,
Each night she’d get them out for her inspection,
To her numismatic joy,
Two of them had a boy,
She found a fifty- cent Franklin by detection.

Monday, December 21, 2015

ED THE CHRISTMAS HAM

My favorite little pig is Ed,
He has these big brown eyes,
But, when it comes to a Christmas ham,
He'll have a big surprise.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

I MADE A CHEESE-BALL WITHOUT CHEESE

I made a holiday cheese-ball without cheese,
Because, dairy makes my kinfolk wheeze,
But, the sawdust and dust,
Gave my cheese-ball a crust,
I guess some people you just cannot please.




Thursday, December 17, 2015

I WENT TO A SPACE STATION

I went to a space station to get some good rest,
But, they ran out of peanut butter so I had to protest,
Then, they ran out of spaghetti,
That made me one angry yeti,
So, out the airlock they sent me as a pest.


Wednesday, December 16, 2015

BEVERLY MADE A RASPBERRY PIE LIMERICK

Beverly made a pretty raspberry pie,
It had a great smile yet, only one eye,
But, before you could sneeze,
She made an eye patch out of cheese,
Now her pie looks like the pirate Captain Bly,

Friday, December 11, 2015

THE WIND BLEW DOWN ALL THE TREES

The wind blew down all the trees,
It brought big men down on their knees,
The great thunder popped,
The windstorm stopped,
Then you could walk where you pleased.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

MISSY TRIED TO PLAY THE FRENCH HORN

Missy tried to play the French horn,
But, the music was so forlorn,
It wasn’t just sad,
It was ugly and bad,
It’s too bad the French horn was born.

Friday, December 4, 2015

TURNED IN BY LITTLE GOODY-TWO-SHOES

Little Goody-Two-Shoes has turned me in once again,
It seems that my loud, obscene music is a nasty sin,
However, Little Goody-Two-Shoes,
Don't understand real strong booze,
When loud and obnoxious, is a natural win.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

MY BEST DATE LIMERICK

I like going to restaurants and dining alone,
That sets up the evening for a positive tone,
I spend half the money,
I think my jokes are all funny,
And, don't waste time the next day on the phone.