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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Saturday, September 30, 2017

STUBED BIG TOE HAIKU

Stubed big toe,pain,ouch!
Coffee table TV close,
Furniture makes move.

Friday, September 29, 2017

PEPPY THE ANTIQUE PICKER LIMERICK

Peppy was a popular picker of antique coins and clothes,
She did not have to see a top pick; she could smell it with her nose,
But, something went really funny,
When Peppy thought she smelled old money,
Because, the smell came from the big toe jams in between her toes.





Thursday, September 28, 2017

BACKWOODS MICHIGAN HEART CLOGGING DIET LIMERICK

I love my bacon grease fried potaters,
I flavor them with garden green tomaters,
With scrambled eggs on the side,
And venison steak grilled with pride,
Such foods to my senses they caters.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

MY PSYCHIC TOLD ME LIMERICK


My psychic told me not to fly,
If I did she said I would surely die,
So, I did not roam,
I stayed at home,
I was hit by a meteor from the sky.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

NEW MOON, JUNE, BABOON, BROTHER-IN-LAW HAIKU

New moon, June, baboon,
Summer guest, brother-in-law,
Slob, eats well, don't flush. 

Monday, September 25, 2017

I ONCE CAUGHT A BIG CRAPPIE

I once caught a great big crappie,
'He tangled my line up in a wrappie,
When I untangled him at last,
He knew his time was past,
I  friend him in grease and was happy.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

SALMON AND LEMONADE

Vonnie made some lemonade,
To go with Charlie's salmon,
And, Vonnie's lemonade made golden grade,
But, Charlie's salmon was not mammon,

The salmon flavor was just not plain strong,
It had a flavor that was just plain wrong,
And, the fish was covered with a white fuzzy,
Even the flies wouldn't give it a buzzy,

Now, although lemonade and salmon was the dinner proposal,
The main course ended up down the garbage disposal,
So, to go with the lemonade what was there to eat?
Well, a basket of tater tots became the main treat.







Wednesday, September 20, 2017

THE TWIT WHO WRIT THE SKIT

I be the twit who writ the skit,
About the possum who liked to knit,
I thought it had an Emmy's gold glow,
As a series TV show,
Alas, I found no network who liked the bit.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

THE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED SHORT-LEGGED PIG

My pig has short legs by design,
A genetically engineered short-legged swine,
His legs can't support his great weight,
So, like a good mate,
He stays home sharing stories and wine.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

ODE TO THE LEPRECORN-Strange Creature Limerick

There was a creature called the leprecorn,
It was the strangest creature ever born,
A unicorn body it had,
With Leprechaun head mean and mad,
In the middle of the head was a horn.

The leprecorn liked to dance in the woods,
It guarded its gold and the rest of it's goods,
If you came to steal,
He'd give you a deal,
It was a horn in the rump for all hoods.

The leprecorn was the son of McMurry,
When the corn was born all said not to worry,
"He'd outgrow his strange look"'
"If fifty years it took",
Now it's been ninety-five what's the hurry.
,

Friday, September 15, 2017

A DUNG BEETLE NAMED BARB

There was a dung beetle named Barb,
Her diet was really high carb,
She did not feel well,
She burst through her shell,
For dress she must find some new garb.

Barb was a dung beetle that ate all day,
She chowed down cow dung mixed with some clay,
She ran out in the sun,
Then, stopped and couldn't run,
Barb baked into a statue that day.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION; FAILURE IS DESTINY

“Failure is not an option,” Bob would often spout,
But, Bob knew not what he was really talking about,
Bob’s future plans were bold,
Then, Bob grew very old,
Bob found “Failure is destiny,” without a doubt.


Thursday, September 14, 2017

SAVANNAH TOO SMART

Savannah was just too smart,
She was segregated apart,
She had such a yearn,
To be too stupid to learn,
And to laugh when one throws a lawn jart.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

WHEN THE SPRINGS POP LIMERICK

George had two springs pop up in his bed,
One stabbed him in the back the other in the head,
George’s mind filled with doom,
So he ran from his bedroom,
A few more stabbings and he thought that he’d be dead.



PEOPLE HAVE FLAVOR

People have flavor,
People taste just like chicken,
A real treat for bears.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

THE TWISTING TURTLE

There's a snapping turtle who does the twist,
He stands on hind legs while each front leg makes a fist,
One of those swerving long-neckers, 
Making moves like Chubby Checkers,
All night long til the sun cuts the mist.

ELI CONDUCTS THE BAND LIMERICK

Eli tried to conduct the band,
He couldn’t read music and soon got canned,
So he took a music course,
Learned the power of the force,
During ovations the audience will stand.

Monday, September 11, 2017

PATTY AND HER NASTY PIES

Patty's pies are really bitter,
Althogh she brags them up on twitter,
The inside is like soup,
Smells like a dog coop,
The baking bug should not have bit her.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

MY SPACE/TIME MACHINE BROKE DOWN LIMERICK

My time/space machine just broke right down,
I spilled my beer and the darn thing shorted queen's royal crown,
It will  just not start,
It won’t blink or spit a fart,
I guess I’m stuck in this miserable earthling smelling town.

CLARITY OF MIND

Today I had a "clarity of mind,"
I realized that I was in a real bind,
My taxes were due,
My insurances too,
And, no money could I find.


Saturday, September 9, 2017

IVAN THE BEAR LIKES FISH

There was a grizzly bear named Ivan,
In the river he'd go a diving,
He'd make a wish,
Dive for a fish,
A fish dinner he was a striving.

Friday, September 8, 2017

I COME FROM A PLANET WITH TWO SUNS AND TWO MOONS LIMERICK

I come from a planet with two suns and two moons,
Many groves of apple trees line up in platoons,
It never turns night,
You live only in light,
You can eat lunch twice cause there are two noons.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

MY POLYMERS AND ME

I have polymers in my curtains,
I have polymers in my cloths,
I have polymers in my automobile,
And, doctors force polymers up my nose,

I have polymers in my dishes,
I have polymers where I eat,
I use polymers to clean my fishes,
I have polymers on my feet,

I think polymers came from a spacecraft,
From deep, dark outer space,
For on some polymer planet,
There lives a polymer race,

So, I think we've been invaded,
By polymer people from afar,
They seek conformity to the polymers,
Around every fusion driven star.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

THE GLAD, THE BAD AND THE PEPPER TUSH LIMERICK



Two twin green peppers grew on a bush,
One got rotten and turned into mush,
The good pepper was glad,
That the other went bad,
Because, that gave him more room for his tush. 




 

Sunday, September 3, 2017

THE THRILL OF THE GRILL

I fired up my old rusty gas grill,
Thought for the holiday I'd cook up a thrill,
I cooked burgers and wieners,
For my juveniles and seniors,
And, my grilling made everyone ill. 

THE THING THAT MAKES ME SAD

Watching the sun made my my vision real bad,
Loud music made me deaf and mom mad,
Poor posture my neck ache,
Poor diet made my leg break,
But, it's world news that makes me feel sad.

Friday, September 1, 2017

FLIPPER THE PIG

THE CULTURAL PIG

Flipper the pig was an odd sort of swine,

He never drank spirits except for French wine,

He listened to Bach,

And easy-listening Rock,

While he complained of pig culture decline.