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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

CARMEN THE OCTOPUS LIMERICK

Carmen the octopus was no longer charmed,
She was attacked by a shark and then was disarmed,
But, she got it together,
Her loss of limbs didn't upset her,
She grew new ones and appeared quite unharmed.

 

Saturday, September 13, 2014

THE STATE FAIR

I went to see the visit the state fair,
The animals were nude, naked and bare,
I found it obscene,
My eyes were unclean,
I wished I had never gone there.

THE FRUITY SOUP LIMERICK

Mark was becoming a big fellow,
So, he decided to diet on jell-o,
But, too much water in the goop,
Just made fruity soup,
Some Bourbon in the soup made Mark mellow.
 

Thursday, September 11, 2014

I MISS MY ST. BERNARD

I saw a little cougar,
Playing in my yard, 
He only weighed 200 pounds,
But, he ate my St. Bernard,

I miss my great big dog,
I'm serious you see,
Because, now that my dog is gone,
The cougar's eating me.  

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

OLD WHIPPLE'S DIPPED APPLES

Old Whipple was not in the head right, 
He dipped apples and left them out overnight,
To no one's surprise,
The apples were covered with flies,
Old Whipple served them as though they came out just right.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

MY GIRLFRIEND CLEANED MY HOUSE

I had a girlfriend for a very short time,
When she cleaned my house her bad words didn't rhyme,
The porcelains were not white,
Carpet stains from party night,
And the appliances incubated green slime.

Monday, September 8, 2014

THE FALCON-CHICKEN STORY

There was a falcon big and true,
He watched Jimbo's chickens from a tree limb view,
Jimbo had a rooster, chick and hen,
In a topless chicken pen,
Now, the roster's gone and Jimbo's chickens number two.

Friday, September 5, 2014

THE DEBT CRISIS OF JITTERBUG JONES

Jitterbug Jones was nervous they say,

He had massive bills but, worked for low pay,

He tried selling his blood,

The payout was a dud,

So, Jitterbug Jones ran away.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

THE SURVIVALIST POEM

I decided to be a survivalist,
So, I moved out to live under the stars,
But, there is just this tiny little twist,
I happen to be living on Mars,

The air on Mars is not so good,
And, there isn't much to eat,
And, good luck finding firewood,
A drop of water is a treat,

Perhaps I'll move to another place, 
To show I'm from a survivalist pattern,
I won't give up and show disgrace,
Instead, how challenging could be Saturn.  


Tuesday, September 2, 2014

AN END TO HOEING

Now I have two peppers growing,
I hope they're ripe before the snowing,
The northern fall,
Brings death to all,
But, at least an end to constant hoeing.

Monday, September 1, 2014

THE LABOR DAY LIMERICK FOR ME

On Labor Day I don't like to work,
Being unemployed gives me that perk,
And, who wants the money,
When the day is so sunny,
Besides, the pay is so low for a clerk.