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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Monday, August 31, 2015

BIG FOOTS ATE UP ALL THE BEARS

In Michigan it gives me scares,
Here big foots ate up all the bears,
Now will the big foots come for me,
I'm really tender and I think tasty,

Oh big foot, big foot in the night,
Go away, don't cause me fright,
Now that all the bears are gone,
You keep me awake from dusk till dawn,

Oh mighty big foot please go away,
Birds taste a lot better anyway,
Try eating rabbit or maybe deer,
I taste like veggies and smell like beer.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

THERE WAS NOTHING BUT METHANE ON PLANET D



There was nothing but methane on old planet "D",
Then, I lit up my cigar and the planet went "B",
Oh what a day,
It blew me away,
Now, I'm flying at light speed by old planet "Z".

SAGA OF THE NINETY-NINE MINNOWS

Ninety-nine minnows swam way out to sea,
Then along came a shark and then there were three,
Out of those ninety-nine minnows three swam back toward the shore,
Then, along came a bass and he ate one more,
The last two little minnows decided to date,
They made ninety-nine minnows and I caught them for bait. 

Monday, August 24, 2015

MR. MEADE WAS AN INSTRUMENTAL STAR

Mr. Meade was truly a rare instrumental star,
He played "Flight of the Bumblebee" on trumpet or guitar,
He played in Chicago and New Orleans,
And, in Japan and the Philippines,
From a poor small town he really went far.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

THE NO-SEE- EM FLIES

Jon was attacked by the no-see-em flies,
When attacked in mass everyone dies,
Poor Jon fell asunder,
By the no-see-em plunder,
He never could say his goodbyes.

Friday, August 21, 2015

BONNIE THE BED WETTER BOUGHT TEN SETS OF SHEETS

Bonnie bought ten sets of sheets,
Because her accidents were repeats,
Bonnie bought six gallons of bleach,
Which turned pink sheets a white-peach,

Bonnie had bad times in bed,
It was like an ocean, enough said,
In Vegas it was a safe bet,
That poor Bonnie woke up wet.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

THE SATIRICAL LIMERICK

A satirical limerick was let loose,
That helped to cook a Congressman’s goose,
It made him look bad,
So, he got really mad,
And, banned limericks for satirical use.



Tuesday, August 18, 2015

THE NANNY LIMERICK

My nanny sailed away on a ship,
Her nanny job she decided to flip,
And, as to my kids,
She gave them all goodbye bids,
But, she wanted a job that was hip.

THE MONEY VAMPIRE

My banker has a desperate desire,
To be a real life money vampire,
On my credit he sucks,
Charges big interest bucks,
And, my bank fees are going much higher.

Monday, August 17, 2015

NASTY TWEET FOR THE EX LIMERICK

Randy's ex-wife sent him a real nasty tweet,
She said she left him because of his stinky feet,
Randy blamed the wet weather,
And, cheap imported leather,
But, it was foot fungus combined with the heat.
 

Sunday, August 16, 2015

CAROLINE WAS THE LIGHT ON THE BAY

Caroline was the light on the bay,
When she left the light faded away,
I promised that I would change,
But, my voice was out of range,
Now my heart breaks with each passing day.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

TUCKER THE ANGEL SAT IN THE APPLE TREE LIMERICK

Tucker the angel sat in the  apple tree,
He made music playing his ukulele,
He bumped an apple that fell,
Eve saw free food and thought swell,
Eve shared with Adam the fruit but, it wasn't free.

MORAL:  THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES, NOTHING IS FREE

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

JUNIOR EXPLORED HIS ID

Junior decided to explore his id,
But, found out his id was really a a squid,
So, Junior swam out to the sea,
To eat fish and be free,
And, do whatever all squids always did.


Sunday, August 9, 2015

I WENT TO VISIT THE BIG STATE FAIR

I went to the visit the big state fair,
Lots of big cows and fat piggys were there,
The chickens looked lean,
The goats were just mean,
The sheep all had mange and no hair.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

MY BOSS MR. WENDELL

Wendell was a wild weird wart,
With whopping wicked ways,
He cried over each labor cost report,
And, rewarded workers with false praise.

And, if workers asked for a raise,
Wendell would really weep,
Then, he’d replace those workers Ono, dos, tress,
Well, Wendell was a creep.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

TONY RIDES HIS PIG LIMERICK

Tony liked to ride his pig,
Out to the yearly truffles dig,
But, the pig wouldn't use his snout,
Until he had a pint of good stout,
And, a hand-rolled menthol-flavored brown cig.    

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

TONY'S FISH SANDWICH LIMERICK

Tony's fish sandwich was all full of bones,
They got stuck in his throat and gave Tony moans,
Tony's next sandwich was jelly,
Which put aches in his belly,
Now, Tony just licks ice cream cones.


Monday, August 3, 2015

THE PIE-FILLING GUT-GAS OF STEVE

Stevie liked his pastries full of pie-filling,
He'd eat them all day if his belly was willing,
But, he never did think,
The pie filling could stink,
When the gas in his guts was just killing.


Sunday, August 2, 2015

THE LIGHTNING STRIKE LIMERICK

Bye, bye heat wave with the new falling rain, 
But, the lightning strike has caused me so much pain, 
I know that I’m not dead,
Cause I feel pain in my head, I can’t afford a hospital bed, 
So, I’ll drink some homemade hooch instead.

I ONCE BECAME SO PARANOID

I once became so paranoid,
That I stopped eating glue,
Because I thought it might contain,
A horse of two I knew,

I once became so paranoid,
I thought my goldfish might attack,
I was so afraid I wouldn't clean his jar,
And, found him lying on his back,    

I once became so paranoid,
I thought the sun would rise no more,
So, I bought ten thousand light bulbs,
And, cleaned out the light bulb store.